Dark Moon
by chyna76
Summary: After Edward leaves Bella, he subjects himself to immense pain and anguish. He then attempts to find a distraction to his pain. New Moon from Edward's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : Hi everyone. Here is my version of New Moon through Edward's eyes. Please bear with the story, as the first few chapters are, more or less, what you already know. And I shall apologise just now if any of the chapters are short. They just seem to be better ending where they do. Anyway, on with the story. Please review if you wish, and I hope you will enjoy!**

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

**PREFACE**

A feeling of complete and utter dejection came with the phone call, and it left me in no doubt of what to do now. I would go to them. My mind was set. If they wouldn't help, I would find a way. My reason for existing ceased to be, therefore, _I _would cease to be.

Fighting against the black, empty void, I waited for my answer. They sat in their long, black cloaks, regal-like, passing their judgement on me. They had come to their decision. They refused. Another way, then, and I had to think quickly. It came to me like a flash of light. I knew what had to be done.

The clock began to toll out the hour, and the sun beat down from the centre of the sky. All I could hope for now, was that it would be quick. And it was quick, for I could hear her soft voice, and smell her sweet, intoxicating scent.

And as the clock tolled out its last chime, it seemed like Heaven hadn't disregarded me after all.

**Chapter 1.**

"She is being absolutely absurd, Edward!" Alice screeched.

"I know, Alice, but it's what she wants."

"Ugh!" she moaned, throwing her hands in the air. "Bella doesn't know what she wants, Edward, so I'm doing it. Regardless," she said, turning her nose up a little, a ring of finality in her tone.

"It's your funeral," I chuckled. "So to speak."

It was a few days before Bella's eighteenth birthday, and I was under strict instructions that there were to be no celebrations. No party, no gifts, not even a birthday wish. She had me promise that the day would pass like any other. And Alice didn't like it. It was the perfect excuse for Alice to throw a party.

"Just one thing, Alice. Can you at least make it a quiet affair? Family only. Please?" I asked. I knew Alice would never give in, so I resigned myself to the fact that there _would_ be a party. At least I could try and convince her to make it a small gathering.

"Oh, Edward! You are as bad as Bella!" she said, exasperated.

Rosalie passed by us then. "Arguing over … _Bella _… again?" She said Bella's name through her teeth. She still hadn't gotten over the fact that Bella was a part of our lives now, but at least the shouting and profanities had stopped. And she had started calling Bella by name instead of 'the human'.

"Rosalie, butt out!" Alice sneered.

"Alice, get a life!" Rosalie retorted as she went by.

"Okay, Edward. I'll do it. A family gathering," she agreed. "And a chance to annoy Rosalie by having it indoors." She grinned.

"Alice, you're terrible," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I know," she said, her grin getting wider. "That's why you love me so much." And she skipped away to organise her party.


	2. Chapter 2

September thirteenth. It was the morning of Bella's birthday, and Alice had insisted on waiting for Bella with me in the school parking lot. She had a small silver wrapped gift in her hands.

"You know Alice," I said, glancing at her. "Bella won't appreciate the fact that you are going to present her with a gift in front of the whole school. She'll probably throw it back in your face," I said, smiling in anticipation at Bella's reaction.

"No she won't. She'll love it," she said confidently, grinning at me.

I rolled my eyes as I heard the thunderous roar of Bella's truck entering the lot. I could see Bella's frown as she spied Alice standing with a gift in her hands.

Bella got out of her truck and slammed the door shut. Alice skipped over to greet her.

"Happy birthday, Bella!"

"Shh!" Bella hissed, glancing around the lot to make sure no one was watching.

Alice ignored her. "Do you want to open your present now, or later?" _I hope she opens it now,_ she thought as they walked toward me._ I can__'__t wait to see her face!_

"No presents," Bella mumbled, sourly.

Alice finally realised Bella was in no mood for presents. "Okay … later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"

Bella sighed. She knew Alice would have seen the gifts before she had. "Yeah, they're great," she muttered.

"_I _think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience," Alice muttered back.

"How many times have _you _been a senior?" Bella asked sarcastically.

"That's different," Alice replied, her eyes narrowing.

They reached me then, and I held my hand out for Bella's. She took it, momentarily forgetting the bad mood she was in. I smiled. I always smiled when I was close to her. I still couldn't believe how lucky I was that she had accepted me for who I was, and she was still by my side. She looked into my eyes, and her heart fluttered. I smiled again, lifting my hand to trace around her lips with my fingertip.

"So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" I asked.

"Yes. That is correct." She tried to mimic my tone, but couldn't quite get it. I laughed.

"Just checking. You _might _have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Alice laughed. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Getting older," Bella answered, even though Alice's question was rhetorical.

I could feel my smile leave my face. Bella was obsessed with age. We've had plenty of discussions and arguments over the subject.

"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice said. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward," Bella mumbled.

I sighed. I didn't want to have this discussion today. Or ever. As far as I was concerned, she could be ninety eight, and I would still love her.

"Technically," Alice said. "Just by one little year, though."

I thought I had put a lid on the subject. Bella had reluctantly given up talking about it a while ago, but now it was back, rattling around and trying to escape. Bella knew my views on the matter, but she couldn't, or wouldn't, understand them. I wouldn't take her life away, and as far as I was concerned, that was the end of the matter. Not Bella. She was relentless.

"What time will you be at the house?" Alice continued.

Bella frowned. "I didn't know I had plans to be there."

"Oh, be fair, Bella! You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?" Alice complained.

"I thought my birthday was about what _I_ want."

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," I said ignoring Bella, and giving her no choice.

"I have to work," she protested.

"You don't, actually," Alice said smugly. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'happy birthday'."

"I - I still can't come over," Bella said, rapidly searching for an excuse. "I, well, I haven't watched _Romeo and Juliet_ yet, for English."

Alice snorted. "You have _Romeo and Juliet_ memorised."

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to really appreciate it - that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."

I rolled my eyes. She was impossible.

"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused.

"But not the nineteen sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

Alice glowered at Bella. "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other -"

"Relax, Alice," I said, interrupting her threat. "If Bella wants to watch a movie, she can. It's her birthday."

"So there," Bella added, and I could almost imagine her sticking her tongue out, like a petulant four year old.

"I'll bring her over around seven," I continued. "That will give you more time to set up."

Alice laughed. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." She grinned, pecked Bella on the cheek and danced off to class.

"Edward, please -" she began, but I hushed her by placing a finger on her lips.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."


	3. Chapter 3

We had almost every class together now. I had gotten a few favours from the school administration team. I had used my most persuasive, or as Bella would put it, 'dazzling' tone. It worked well.

Having the same classes made the day go by quicker, which I was grateful for. School had always been rather monotonous for me, but now that Bella was here, it was more bearable than I ever would have thought possible.

As the day went on, neither Alice or I brought up the subject of Bella's birthday again, and she seemed to relax a little. I knew she would work herself up again later, though. She will try some new excuses, but they wouldn't wash with me. And besides, if I didn't take her, I'm sure Alice would come to her house and drag her out.

School ended, and I walked Bella to her truck. I'd asked Alice earlier to drive my car home, so I could spend the afternoon with Bella. I held the passenger door open for her, but she folded her arms across her chest, and made no move to get in.

"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?" she muttered. She hated my driving. Of all the things that should scare her about me, it was my driving.

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight …"

"All right," I said, closing the door and walking around to open the drivers door. "Happy birthday."

"Shh," she said, but with no force. Apparently, she had given up arguing, for the moment. She climbed into the drivers seat, rolling her eyes.

Bella loved her truck, she thought it had - 'personality'. It was old and she refused to push it to it's full potential, so it was always a painful ride home. Painful in the way that I hated it - I loved speed, Bella didn't. I twiddled with the stereo as she drove.

"You're radio has horrible reception," I said.

Bella frowned. "You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." Her voice was sharp.

I had to suppress a smile. She hated it when anyone picked on her truck, and her sharp tone told me she was starting to worry over the party again.

As she parked in front of Charlie's house, I reached over, and took her face in my hands. I leaned in close, and whispered, "You should be in a good mood, today of all days."

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" she asked, her breathing becoming unsteady.

"Too bad," I said softly, leaning in to press my lips against hers, hoping that she would forget her worries.

My lips lingered on hers, probably a bit longer than they should have. I had set a few ground rules to help our relationship flow smoother. A safe distance from my teeth was one of them. I was intent on keeping her alive, so we had to be careful. Sometimes Bella forgot when we were like this, but sometimes I couldn't help myself, either.

Her breathing hitched, and her heartbeat became erratic, and she threw her arms around my neck, like a vice. I smiled as I removed her lock on me. I loved the fact that she felt that way about me, but we couldn't afford to be overly enthusiastic.

"Be good, please," I breathed against her skin, and I pulled away, folding her arms in front of her. Her pulse raced and she placed a hand over her heart.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" she wondered. "That someday, my heart might stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I really hope not," I said. As long as her reaction was erratic, I knew she still wanted me. And that was the greatest feeling, knowing she wanted me, like I wanted her.

She rolled her eyes. "Let's go watch the Capulet's and Montague's hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish, my command," I said, bowing my head.


	4. Chapter 4

I sprawled across the couch while Bella started the movie. She sat on the edge of the couch after she had fast- forwarded the credits. I pulled her back into my chest. I knew it probably wouldn't be comfortable for her, but she never complained. She seemed to prefer it, as did I. I adored having her so close, being able to touch her. Being able to breathe in her scent. That didn't bother me anymore, not since I almost lost her in the spring. I had nearly been too late when James had tracked her, and lured her to the ballet studio in Phoenix. I refused to let my mind linger there, for the pain of it would surely drive me insane. I couldn't stomach the idea of not having Bella in my life, let alone her being gone forever from this world. And, though her scent still burned my throat (not nearly as bad as it had before), it was an exquisite reminder that she was still here, alive.

"You know," I said as the movie started. "I've never had much patience with Romeo."

"What's wrong with Romeo?" she asked. She sounded a little offended, as Romeo was one of her favourite fictional characters.

"Well, first of all," I explained, "he's in love with Rosaline - don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness more thoroughly?"

Bella sighed. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"

"No. I'll mostly be watching you, anyway. Will you cry?"

"Probably," she admitted, "if I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract you then," I whispered as I kissed her hair, and traced patterns on her arm with my fingertips. Bella did cry, to my amusement. She was a hopeless romantic.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I said.

"She's very pretty," Bella muttered.

"I don't envy him the _girl_ - just the ease of the suicide," I said, teasing. "You human's have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts …"

"What?" Bella gasped.

My voice grew sombre and my mood turned black, as memories of the spring came flooding back.

"It's something I had to think about once, and knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning … after he'd realised what he'd become …" I tried to lighten the moment. "And he's clearly still in excellent health."

Bella twisted around, glaring at me intently.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded. "What do you mean, this is something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring, when you were … nearly killed …" I paused, trying to forget, and trying to keep my tone light. I didn't want to remember.

"Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."

Bella stared at me, trying to process my words. My mind went back, unbidden, to the day James had almost killed her in the ballet studio. I thought I was going to be too late to save her, and that thought had sent my mind racing. I couldn't live in a world where Bella didn't exist, and my brain had automatically set about making a back-up plan, as I raced to save her.

"Contingency plans?" she repeated.

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you, but I wasn't sure how to _do_ it. I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help … so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."

Bella was furious. "What is a _Volturi_?" she demanded.

"The Volturi are a family," I explained, though my voice sounded distant to my ears. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America - do you remember the story?"

I remembered the first day I took Bella to meet my family. I had told her Carlisle's story, but I realised now, that I hadn't mentioned the word _Volturi_.

"Of course I remember," she said, her eyes wide.

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," I continued. "Not unless you want to die - or whatever it is we do."

Bella's eyes were full of horror and pain, as she took my face in her hands.

"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" she almost screamed at me. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you are_ not allowed_ to hurt yourself!"

"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point," I said, matter-of-factly.

"_Put_ me in danger! I thought we'd established all the bad luck is my fault?" She was getting angry again. "How dare you even think like that?"

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" I asked.

"That's not the same thing," she answered, not realising there was no difference at all.

"What if something did happen to you?" She winced as the words came out of her mouth. "Would you want me to go _off_ myself?"

I winced as she said the words. I couldn't imagine it. The pain that washed through me at the thought was unbearable. I guess I could see where she was coming from.

"I guess I see your point … a little. But what would I do without you?" I asked, unnervingly.

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."

I sighed. Bella hadn't complicated my existence at all. She had made my existence worth while. She made me feel … whole. The thought of going back to what I was before her arrival into my life, well, it wasn't even worth thinking about. I would never be the same. My life, or existence, had been dramatically altered when Bella came to Forks. I would never be the same again.

"You make it sound so easy," I said.

"It should be. I'm really not that interesting."

She had no idea. She always thought so little of herself and held me in some ridiculous, high ideal. I wondered when she would ever see herself as I saw her.

"Moot point," I reminded her, and then I could hear Charlie's cruiser enter the street. I pulled myself into a more appropriate, seated position.

"Charlie?" she guessed.

I smiled, and a moment later, he entered the house with a pizza box.

"Hey, kids. I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?" he asked, grinning at Bella.

"Sure. Thanks, dad."

I passed on dinner, as usual, and Charlie didn't comment. He had grown used to my lack of appetite, and stopped insisting a long time ago.

"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I asked Charlie when they had finally finished eating.

Bella looked at Charlie, hopeful that he would refuse, I sensed. She would do anything to get out of this evening.

"That's fine - the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight," Charlie said, and I could see Bella's face fall. "So I won't be any kind of company … Here." He threw Bella's camera at her, and inevitably, she didn't catch it. It bounced off her fingers, and headed for the floor. I caught it before it smashed off the ground.

"Nice save," Charlie said. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullen's tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets - she'll be wanting to see them faster than you can take them."

"Good idea," I said, handing Bella the camera. She turned to me, and snapped the first photo.

"It works," she grinned.

"That's good," Charlie said. "Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." Charlie seemed a little down hearted with that.

Alice had spent a lot of time with Bella after her 'accident', helping her with her convalescence. Charlie had grown quite attached to Alice, and got upset if she hadn't been around in a while.

"Dad, it's been three days," Bella reminded him. "I'll tell her."

"Okay," he said, pleased. "You kids have fun tonight."

I smiled, pulling Bella from her chair, and headed out of the house.


	5. Chapter 5

I opened the passenger door of Bella's truck for her, but she didn't argue this time. It was getting dark, and she still had difficulty finding the turn-off for my house.

As I drove, I groaned along with the engine's internal groaning, as I tried to push it over fifty. I wished Bella would let me buy her a proper car, instead of this prehistoric wreck.

"Take it easy," she warned me.

"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power …" I wasn't hopeful that she would agree.

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime," I said virtuously.

"Good."

"Can you do me a favour?" I asked. Knowing that her mood would be bleak at the party, I hoped she would behave herself, and try to enjoy it.

"That depends on what it is."

I sighed, wanting her to take this seriously. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had, was Emmett in nineteen thirty five. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

"Fine. I'll behave."

"I probably should warn you …"

"Please do," she answered.

"When I say they're all excited … I do mean _all_ of them."

"Everyone?" she choked. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa?"

Emmett and Rosalie had left after their graduation. Rosalie said she needed some time away, but I knew it was because of Bella. Rosalie didn't like the fact that a human knew our secret, and she voiced her opinion regularly. Emmett had given up trying to change her mind, but he liked Bella, and told Rosalie that he would continue to talk to Bella regardless of how Rosalie felt. She had reluctantly agreed, and they got back a few days ago.

"Emmett wanted to be here," I explained.

"But … Rosalie?"

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she will be on her best behaviour."

And she would. Emmett, Carlisle and Esme had made her promise to try her best, for one night, at least. I could see Bella contemplating the night ahead. It would be awkward for her. But my family were very excited, and they wouldn't do anything to spoil the evening.

"So," I said, trying to change the subject. "If you won't let me get you the Audi …"

"You know what I want," she said in a low whisper.

My brow furrowed. I couldn't believe she was bringing this up again. She knew how I felt about her mortality, and she knew my answer. Why bring it up continuously? And tonight, especially.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please."

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."

I growled deeply. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella," I vowed with a hiss.

"That's not fair!"

I clenched my teeth together. I wasn't having this argument tonight. Tonight was meant to be a celebration.

As we drove up to the house, which Alice had fully decorated for the evening, Bella moaned.

I took a few breaths to calm and steady my voice. "This is a party. Try to be a good sport."

"Sure," Bella muttered.

As I led Bella out of the truck, she turned to me.

"I have a question."

I warily waited on her asking it.

"If I develop this film," she said, turning her camera around in her hands, "will you show up on the picture?"

I couldn't tell if she was being serious, or just trying to lighten the mood, but I started laughing anyway. She was unbelievable.

My family were waiting in the living room for our arrival. Alice had set up a table that was full of flowers, presents, and a stack of plates, next to the piano. As Bella eyed it, there was a chorus of "Happy birthday, Bella!". She blushed and looked down at the floor. I wrapped my arm around her and kissed her hair.

Esme hugged Bella, and kissed her on the cheek. Carlisle put his arm around her shoulders, and whispered, "Sorry about this, Bella. We couldn't rein Alice in."

I chuckled, and glanced at Rosalie. _Don__'__t worry, _she thought, _I__'__ll be good._ I smiled at her to say thanks.

Emmett had a huge grin on his face. "You haven't changed at all," he said to Bella, in mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptive difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

I growled lowly in my chest at Emmett. I had just tried to persuade Bella to drop that subject. Emmett glanced at me, and shrugged his shoulders slightly. _Jeez, Edward, get a grip. You know it__'__s gonna happen, anyway,_ he thought in my direction. I ignored him the best I could.

"Thanks a lot, Emmett," Bella said, blushing deeper.

He laughed. "I have to step out for a second," he said, winking at Alice. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll try," Bella said, rolling her eyes at him.

Emmett had gone to install a new stereo in Bella's truck. It was a birthday present from him, Rosalie and Jasper. Of course, they had wrapped the empty box for her to open. Emmett's idea of a joke, and I was kind of looking forward to Bella's reaction.

Alice bounded over then. "Time to open presents!" she declared, pulling Bella toward the table.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything -" she started.

"But I didn't listen. Open it," she said, handing Bella the empty box.

Bella opened the gift, looking totally perplexed.

"Um … thanks," she mumbled.

Jasper laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck. Emmett's installing it right now, so you can't return it."

Rosalie actually smiled, too, which I took to be a part of her acting skills. At least she was trying.

"Thanks Jasper, Rosalie," Bella said, actually grinning now herself. "Thanks, Emmett!" she called a little louder. Emmett's laughter filled the room, even though he was outside.

"Open mine and Edwards next," Alice chirped, excitedly.

Bella turned and glared at me. "You promised," she said, narrowing her eyes.

"I didn't spend a dime," I promised her.

Bella inhaled deeply, turned to Alice, and said, "Give it to me."

Emmett arrived back then, chuckling. "Just in time," he said, walking over to us.

Bella took the package and, rolling her eyes at me, began unwrapping it.

"Shoot," she muttered, pulling her finger out and examining it.

A small, insignificant paper cut suddenly became significant to a room full of vampires, as, oozing from the tip, a tiny drop of blood spilled out.


	6. Chapter 6

I stopped my breath at once, and I could hear Jasper inhaling deeply. His eyes had turned cold and empty.

"NO!" I roared. I didn't listen to Jasper's murderous thoughts, as I threw myself at Bella, pushing her out of the way.

Jasper, now at the point of being uncontrollable and growling menacingly from deep in his chest, slammed into me as he tried to get to Bella. He was now in hunting mode, and it was going to be nearly impossible to stop him.

I grabbed him, his teeth snapping inches from me, while Emmett grabbed him from behind. Jasper struggled on, his wild eyes focused solely on Bella.

I took another quick breath, and instantly wished I hadn't. The room was saturated with the scent of her blood, stronger than I had expected from just a small cut. I turned to look at her, and as she gazed back, disorientated, I could finally see the real damage.

In my desperation to get her out of Jasper's way, I must have forced her onto the table of glassware. She had a long, ragged cut on the inside of her forearm. Blood pulsed from the wound, and as I turned to Carlisle, I could see that the rest of my family were rooted to the spot, their hungry eyes blazing as they stared at Bella.

Carlisle was the only one that remained calm. "Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

I whirled to crouch over Bella protectively, as I finally heard Jasper's thoughts. I pushed them straight out of my mind again, as I growled at him in warning. He was still struggling wildly to free himself from Emmett's grasp.

"Come on, Jasper," Emmett said, as Rosalie helped him lead Jasper through the door. Esme held the door open for them, while she covered her mouth and nose with her other hand.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," she whispered before joining them outside.

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle said. I glared at him.

_Please, Edward,_ he thought. _Bella is badly hurt. I need to see her. The others are outside now. She is safe._

She may have been safe from the others, but it was myself I was worrying about. Since I had taken that last, quick breath, my throat had burned with the fierce fire of thirst. Made more intense by the amount of blood that was pouring from her wound.

Now that the threat was gone, I was struggling to keep control of myself. The monster had reared his ugly head once more, and I had to fight ferociously against him.

I didn't want to kill Bella, of course I didn't. But the scent of her blood, still fresh in my mind, was starting to make my thoughts incoherent. I had to fight to regain my focus.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table," Carlisle said to me.

I lifted her effortlessly, but I wouldn't look at her. I couldn't. I felt disgusted with myself as I remembered it was Bella in front of me, and not my prey.

I placed her gently in a chair, and Carlisle went to work at once. I hovered over her, still not breathing, and still warring with my thirst and the need to protect her.

"Just go, Edward," she sighed.

"I can handle it," I said. But I think I was talking more to myself.

"You don't need to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."

"I'll stay." I needed to stay, to see she would be okay.

"Why are you so masochistic?" she asked, obviously seeing I was struggling.

"Edward, you may as well go and find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he will listen to anyone but you right now," Carlisle said.

"Yes. Go find Jasper," Bella agreed.

"You might as well do something useful," Alice added. I had no idea she was still here.

It felt like they were ganging up on me, but I knew they were just worried. They could see I was having difficulty. I thought about it for a moment, and I knew I needed the fresh air to clear my head. I nodded once, and sprinted out the back door.


	7. Chapter 7

I ran down to the river, where the others were convened, before I took a breath. The monster inside me dispersed with that cleansing breath, and I felt wretched. Jasper glanced at me once, and hung his head in shame.

"Edward, I … I'm so sorry. I never meant to … I didn't want to …" He struggled with his words.

"Jasper, it's fine. Bella is fine," I whispered.

"It's not fine, Edward. I could have …"

"But you didn't," I snapped, not wanting him to finish his sentence. "That's all that matters," I said more softly.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated, and walked away, guilt-ridden.

I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted to be angry with Alice for wanting the stupid party. And I wanted to be angry with Bella for being so clumsy. But how could I be angry with any of them, when I was the one who was meant to protect her, but could barely control my own desire for her blood. I was a monster.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" Esme asked, walking over to me.

"I'll be fine, Esme. As long as Bella's okay, I'll be fine."

Alice flitted down to us then. "Are you okay, Edward?"

"Yes," I said, blankly. "How is she?"

"She's okay. Carlisle will be done soon. I'm so sorry about tonight. If I had seen, I wouldn't have put the party together."

"It's not your fault, Alice. It wasn't a conscious decision, that's why you didn't see."

I began thinking of when Bella first arrived in Forks. I had left to protect her, and now I couldn't help thinking if I had stayed away, none of this would be happening. I should have stayed away.

"It's no ones fault but mine," I whispered, looking toward the house.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

I sighed, and shook my head. "It doesn't matter," I said, as I started walking toward the house.

"Edward?" Alice called, but I just held up my hand in response.

Yes, this was all my fault. I should never have returned to Forks. The responsibility lay with me, and the guilt on top of the disgust I felt for myself, was overwhelming. Could I make this right? Was there any way I could?

I got to the door just as Carlisle said he would take Bella home.

"I'll do that," I said, walking through the door.

"Carlisle can take me," she said, looking down at her blood-soaked shirt.

"I'm fine," I said, my voice cold. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." I walked straight back out, so she didn't have a chance to argue with me.

I got back to Alice, who was with Jasper now, trying to console him.

"Alice, could you get Bella something to change into please?"

"Of course," she said, frowning. "Edward, what are you planning?"

"I'm not planning anything," I said, as we walked to the house.

"Jasper feels awful about tonight. We all do."

"I know, Alice. I'm not blaming him."

"Then why is your future all messed up?" she asked, her eyes unfocused.

I sighed. "I don't know what to do, Alice. I can't keep putting Bella in danger like this. If the party was with her other friends, this would never have happened. What kind of a person … a monster … am I, when I am always putting her in harms way?"

"It's not your fault, Edward. It was an accident," she whispered as we got to the house. "We'll talk later, promise me?"

I nodded as we entered the house. Alice hurried over to Bella, but I hung back, indecision burning inside me.

"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear." They left and headed upstairs.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked. "You know Jasper didn't mean for any of this to happen. I'm sure he is disgusted with himself."

"I know Carlisle, I'm not angry with him," I said, my voice controlled, but unemotional. No one could be more disgusted with themselves as I was with myself, right now.

"Son, what is it? Why are you so distant? Yes, tonight was bad, but it could have been so much worse."

"Yes. It could have been. And I just keep pushing her toward danger, Carlisle. It will happen one day, it's inevitable," I said harshly.

I headed to the front door, to wait for Bella, without saying another word. _Edward, please,_ he thought, but I ignored him.

Alice and Bella came down the stairs, and I held the front door open.

"Take your things!" Alice called, as she grabbed the gifts for Bella. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

Bella hurried down the steps to the truck. I opened the passenger door for her, and she climbed in without argument.

I couldn't look at her just yet, so I kept my eyes on the road, driving a little too fast, toward Forks. I couldn't talk, as I didn't know what to say to her, so the drive back was silent.

"Say something," she begged, as she broke the silence.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me you forgive me," she whispered.

What was she talking about? This wasn't her fault. Anger started to seep in over the emptiness I felt. "Forgive _you_? For what?"

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened," she said, looking at her finger.

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut - that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault," she whispered.

No. it wasn't her fault, it was mine, and the floodgates to my anger gave way.

"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped over a pile of glass plates on your own - without someone throwing you into them - even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up - and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" she demanded.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I growled.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," she protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

"Don't be so melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous," she hissed.

I didn't answer her, my mood was black. How could she think I was being ridiculous? She _had_ almost died because she _was_ with me. But, she was determined to take the blame. Apologising for bleeding! The disgust I felt started to drown the fire of my anger. We got to Charlie's, and I killed the engine. My hands remained clenched on the wheel, though, my anger not quite smothered.

"Will you stay tonight?" she asked.

"I should go home," I replied. I wanted to stay with her, badly. But my mood was such, I would be no company tonight. I wasn't sure I could look her in the eyes without thinking about the thirst I felt earlier.

"For my birthday," she insisted.

"You can't have it both ways - either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs."

She hopped out, not giving me a chance to answer, and gathered her gifts. I frowned.

"You don't have to take those."

"I want them," she answered immediately.

"No you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live," she said, slamming the door shut. I was out and by her side in an instant.

"Let me carry them, at least," I said, taking the packages off her. "I'll be in your room."

"Thanks," she said, smiling an incredible smile.

I sighed. She really was beautiful. "Happy birthday," I said, leaning down to kiss her. She reached up, wanting the kiss to last, but I pulled away, still disgusted with myself. I tried to give her a normal smile, and bolted around the house.


	8. Chapter 8

I sat on Bella's bed, waiting for her to appear. While waiting, my mind went back to tonight's events. None of this would have happened if I had done the right thing in the beginning. I should have left, way back then. But I was selfish, so I stayed, and it was wrong. I was wrong for her. I knew that then, but I suppressed it. Tonight brought it back to the front of my mind. I loved Bella desperately, so I had to do the right thing by her now. I loved her too much to risk her life anymore, and I loved her enough not to be selfish. I had to leave her, and the thought filled me with despair. It would tear me apart, but as long as I knew she was safe, better off without me, I would bear the hurt and anguish. As long as she was alive, I would exist, and she would have her chance at a normal, happy life. I consoled myself with that thought. She would be happy again, one day, with me a distant memory. I would never forget her, or stop loving her, but as long as she was somewhere in this world, I would survive. No matter how much it hurt me.

Bella entered the room after getting ready for bed. She stood by the door, making no move to come over.

"Hi," I said. My voice was sad, knowing what needed to be done now. But not tonight. The night has bound to have taken it's toll on her, and she has been through enough. So, I would wait.

She walked over to the bed, pushing her gifts out of my hands. "Hi," she whispered, clambering onto my lap. "Can I open my presents now?"

"Where did the enthusiasm come from?"

"You made me curious."

She picked up a gift, and I had a flashback of a few hours ago. "Allow me," I said, taking the package from her, and opening it. I handed her the box that was inside.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" she muttered. I ignored her.

Inside the box was a voucher for some plane tickets. They were from Esme and Carlisle.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" she asked excitedly.

"That's the idea," I mumbled.

"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip!"

Her childlike excitement softened my mood a little. I was glad she was happy with her gift. They may come in useful to her, later. I grimaced internally, at the thought of her needing the tickets to get away from here, to try and forget.

"You don't mind, though, do you?" she asked. "It's sunny, you'll have to stay in all day."

"I think I can handle it," I said, frowning. I knew I wouldn't be with her, and I hated to lie to her, but at this moment, it was a must.

"If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

I chuckled, slightly, nervously.

She set the tickets to the side, and reached for my gift. I took it from her, like the last one, and unwrapped it. I handed back a clear CD jewel case, with a blank silver CD inside.

"What is it?" she asked.

I took the CD from her, and put it inside her CD player. We waited in silence until the music began. I had made her a compilation of my music. I waited for her reaction. She lifted a hand to wipe tears away from her eyes.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked anxiously, hoping, in a way, that it was her arm, and not my gift that was making her cry.

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything that I would love more. I can't believe it."

"I didn't think you would let me get you a piano so I could play for you here," I explained, trying to lighten her mood.

"You're right."

"How does your arm feel?" I asked.

"Just fine."

I knew that wasn't true, but she would be trying to make me feel better, and right now, I didn't think anything would.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything," she argued, but I slid her off my lap, and headed for the door.

"Charlie," she hissed.

"He won't catch me," I promised, and I flew into the bathroom, got the pills and a glass of water, and I was back before the door had closed over. She took the pills with no protest.

"It's late," I said, as I scooped her up and tucked her into bed. I lay down beside her, putting my arm around her. She leaned into me and whispered, "Thanks again."

"You're welcome."

The song that was playing was the one I had composed after I first met Bella. It drifted toward the end, an end that I never liked because it was inevitable, and thought about my plan again. I knew what I had to do to make this right, but it also felt wrong. I didn't want to hurt her, but staying would hurt her more, and I couldn't endure that. My mood grew sombre once again.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to _not_ ignore my birthday?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

"You're greedy tonight," I noted.

"Yes, I am - but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," she added.

I laughed, then sighed. There were plenty of things I didn't want to do, and one of them was causing her harm. Another was hurting her, and myself, emotionally. But I had to. I had to leave to keep her safe, and I knew it would be painful, but it was the only way now.

"Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," I said, pulling her face to mine.

I was as careful with her as I normally was, and her heart started to stutter. Soon, the thoughts of leaving intruded again, and my own greed and desire took over. Our kiss became urgent, and I twisted my hand in her hair, pulling her closer still. Bella reacted in the exact same way as I did, but this time, I didn't stop her. I wanted her, and needed her, badly. Her heart was erratic and my breathing was ragged. My need for her intensified, and I realised if I didn't stop now, my idea of leaving her would disappear. I stopped instantly, pushing her gently away, feeling my will starting to crumble. I couldn't allow that. Leaving her was the only option now. The _right_ option.

Bella collapsed back onto her pillow, gasping.

"Sorry, that was out of line," I murmured.

"_I_ don't mind," she panted.

"Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

"You're overestimating my self-control," I said, frowning at her in the darkness.

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" she said, slyly.

I winced slightly at the thought of her blood, and refused my mind to linger. "It's a tie," I said trying to lighten my mood. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine," she agreed, and snuggled into my stone body.

As she got comfy, my mind returned to tonight's events. I started forming my plan while she slept. It was going to be extremely difficult, but it was something that had to be done. There was no other way now.


	9. Chapter 9

The night had went by all too quickly, as my plan formed. I needed to leave, and Bella needed to forget about me, and that meant my family would have to leave too. It would be hard for her to forget if they stayed behind, so I would speak to Carlisle when I got back. The best for Bella would be a clean break, with nothing remaining behind for her memories to linger on.

Bella stirred and woke, gazing at me in the dull morning light. I couldn't look into her eyes, knowing what I was about to do to her. To me. I kissed her forehead, not speaking, and left through her window.

I raced home, desperate for Carlisle's help now. Alice was waiting for me on the porch.

"You're leaving," she whispered, not a question but a statement.

"I have to, Alice. There is no other way now. I need to speak to all of you."

"You want us to leave with you?" she asked, as her eyes glazed over, looking into the future.

I nodded. "I have to speak with Carlisle first. Is he home?"

"Yes. He's in his office. Edward, we don't have to do this. There are always other options."

I didn't answer her, as I headed straight inside to Carlisle's office. I took a deep breath before knocking his door.

"Come in, Edward," he called.

I took another deep breath, hoping my expression would be calm. Apparently it wasn't. Carlisle smiled, and the smile fell from his face as soon as he saw me.

"What is it, Edward?" He was anxious.

"Carlisle, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep hurting her like this. It's driving me insane. All I ever seem to do is put her in danger." I sighed.

"You wish to leave," he guessed.

"No. I don't _want_ to, but I _have_ to, to keep her safe. She will never be safe as long as am near her."

"But you _do_ keep her safe, Edward. If it wasn't for you, well …" He couldn't finish his sentence.

"Exactly, Carlisle. I wanted to kill her myself last night. I had to fight viciously to stop myself. I can't put her at that risk!" I admitted, my voice growing louder with the anger building inside me.

"But you didn't kill her, Edward. Your love for her overrode that. You wouldn't hurt her like that," he said with conviction.

"Maybe so, but there are other dangers to her while she's involved with me. I should have left in the beginning." I hung my head, as despair filled me again. Carlisle was by my side in an instant.

"Edward," His voice was calm and soothing. "If you wish to leave, if you think it's for the best, then we won't stop you."

"I know. But if this is going to work … I need to give Bella the best chance I can. She needs to forget that I ever existed. We need to erase our existence in Forks. And, the only way to do that, is if we _all_ leave. I know it's a dreadful thing to ask of you all, but she has to have no reminders. Her human mind and heart will heal quicker with nothing for her memories to linger on."

And I really couldn't imagine her being hurt for long. She was only human, and couldn't possibly hold the depth of feeling that I held for her. It just wouldn't be possible.

"I see," he said, pacing back slowly to his desk. He sat down fluidly and looked up at me.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. But it's the only way. I need her to be able to move past this. I want her to have a decent life," I pleaded.

"Of course you do, Edward. But what about you? Will _you_ be able to move on?" he asked.

"Our kind adapt. I would cope. It will be easier knowing that she is finally safe," I whispered.

He was silent for a moment.

"Okay, Edward. If you think it will work, we shall leave with you. I don't see them objecting. Emmett and Rosalie are going to Europe, anyway. And I think Jasper could do with some time away. How are you planning on telling Bella?"

I sighed, and started pacing the room. I really didn't know the answer to that. Carlisle was patient as I contemplated the best route to take.

"I need to make her think we _have_ to leave. I should stay for another day or two, try and make things easier for her. I need to start distancing myself from her, try and be less emotional around her. I think I may have to be cruel, because she knows I love her, and I had promised to stay with her. She may take some persuading."

"Okay," Carlisle said, running through his own plan. "We could leave tonight. I could tell the hospital I have been offered another position elsewhere, with an immediate start. It shouldn't be too difficult. Try and make it as easy on her as you can, Edward."

"Yes," I agreed. "I just hope my will doesn't crumble before I tell her."

"It won't. you know it's best, and like you said, keep your distance from her. And remember why you are doing this in the first place."

"I'll start this morning. I don't want my decision to waver. I'll go and speak to the others before I go," I whispered, my voice filling with fear and anguish.

"Edward, it'll be fine. I'll speak to the rest. You go and do what has to be done. We will see you tonight."

I nodded and left to get changed before heading to school. Alice and Jasper weren't going today, anyway. Jasper felt he couldn't go after what happened last night, which made me feel a little easier when it was just going to be Bella and I.


	10. Chapter 10

As I waited for Bella at school, I knew I would have to fight to keep my emotions from her. She would know there was something wrong, and I hoped my eyes wouldn't betray me. I had to remain cold and remote, or else I would change my mind and stay. It was awful knowing that these would be the final days I would be with her, but I also knew it was the right thing to do.

When Bella pulled into the parking lot, I made my way over to her.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"Perfect," she lied. I knew she would be fretting after last night, but I couldn't reassure her. That would be wrong. I couldn't comfort her, in any way. I needed to stay strong for when the time came for me to leave. I had to at least try and carry on as normal, and it was going to be hard to do.

Neither of us began a conversation during the morning. My mind was struggling to stay in control, so I was silent, fighting the urge to stay with her. Bella was also silent, probably due to my lack of emotion this morning. I couldn't afford any type of emotion, so I assumed my expression was just as blank and empty as I felt.

"Where's Alice?" Bella asked as we headed to the lunch table.

"She's with Jasper," I answered, not looking at her.

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for a while."

"What? Where?" she asked, slightly shocked.

I shrugged in indifference. "No where in particular."

"And Alice, too," she whispered, and I looked down at her, wanting to comfort her, but didn't.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."

Bella swallowed, and the little crease between her eyes formed. I had to look away. I couldn't stand to see her in pain.

"Is your arm bothering you?" I asked as a deflection from Alice.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she muttered.

I didn't answer her, and she put her head down on the table. I didn't even want to know what she was thinking now. It would be too much for me, and I had to stay complacent.

The rest of the day went like the morning had, both of us silent. I walked her to her truck at the end of the day.

"You'll come over later tonight?" she asked.

"Later?" I asked. I didn't think it would be such a good idea, but then again, one more night wouldn't hurt. Would it?

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh." It was all I could say.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?"

"If you want me to."

"I always want you to," she whispered.

I swear I could feel a crack forming in my dead heart, right then. I always wanted her, too, but I had to push the thought away, or I would be in danger of backtracking on my plans.

"All right, then," I said in a detached voice.

I kissed her on the forehead, and turned to walk to my car.

When I got home, the house was more or less packed up. The others were finishing covering the furniture in large, white sheets. Esme came to me with a pained smile on her face.

"I'm sorry to do this to you all," I mumbled.

"Edward, it's alright. If you feel this is best, then we stand beside you. We haven't done your room yet, but as you're staying a while …"

"That's fine, Esme. I'll see to it," I said, trying to smile, but not quite managing it.

_Oh, Edward,_ she thought, sensing my distress.

"I'm fine, Esme," I lied.

"Edward?" Alice asked. "Would you like me to help pack your room?"

"Yes, Alice. That would be good. Thank you."

She smiled, and we headed upstairs. I knew she just wanted to talk to me, but used this as an excuse. We went into my room, and she closed the door behind us.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do, Edward?" she asked, stepping into the middle of the room.

"It has to be, Alice. I can't risk her life anymore."

"But don't you think you are risking it anyway, by leaving her? Alone, and unprotected?" Her voice was a whisper, but it was intense.

"She won't need protection once I'm gone, Alice," I snapped.

"I don't see it happening like that," she said, looking into my eyes intently.

"Why? What have you seen?" I asked anxiously, searching her mind. There was nothing but flickers and blank spots, nothing discernible.

"I haven't _seen _anything. But I know it will crush her, Edward. She is insanely in love with you. Don't you think your leaving may break her, anyway?"

I had thought about that. She was human, and couldn't possibly love as much as our kind could. And Bella was resilient, and humans had a tendency to forget, after a while, and move on.

"She'll be fine," I told her, looking away. "She will forget about me eventually, and she will live a safe and happy life. She will move on from me. To someone better."

"Okay. So maybe she does. What about you? What if, in the future, you find out that she has moved on? How will that affect you? And don't try lying to me, Edward. I don't need visions to tell me it would destroy you." Her voice was raising to a higher octave.

"I wouldn't know, because you are not going to look for her future. We've done enough damage. With us gone from her life, that damage will heal. She is human, after all," I said, harshly.

"As you wish, Edward," she said, sourly, closing her eyes. "But know this," she said opening her eyes again, and they were blazing. "It is _not_ a good idea. This will destroy one of you, or both of you."

I hung my head. It may destroy me, but Bella _would_ get over it. As long as she was happy and safe, I would be fine.

"It's the only way," I repeated, in a soft whisper.

"Can I at least say goodbye to her?" she asked.

"I'd rather you didn't, Alice. I think a clean break is best."

Alice didn't answer, but walked over and hugged me. "I know you're not coming with us, but call me, please, Edward. I shall need to know that you are well."

"Of course, Alice. I promise. I need to go and say goodbye to the others."

"Well, Rosalie and Emmett left earlier. Emmett told me to wish you good luck, and Rose … well, you know Rose, and I think you have enough on your mind without her comments."

I chuckled slightly. I didn't really expect anything else from Rosalie.

"Thank you. I'll do my room later. Let's go down before you have to leave," I said, kissing Alice's forehead.

When we got downstairs, the others were almost ready to leave. Jasper looked at me, looking ashamed.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I made this happen. I was such a fool …"

"Jasper, please. There is no need to apologize. If it hadn't have been that, it would have been something else. And it didn't help that your own thirst was intensified by all of ours. None of this is your fault." I tried to assure him as best I could.

"Thanks," he muttered, smiling warily.

"I'll miss you, Jazz. Take good care of Alice for me."

I hugged him close, but he hesitated, unsure. After a moment, he hugged me back. "I'll miss you, too," he whispered.

I turned to my parents and saw the look in Esme's eyes.

_You__'__re not following us after you leave here, are you? _she thought.

"I'm sorry, but I feel I may need a little time on my own. I will keep in touch, and when I'm ready, and if you will have me, I will come back," I said, as I watched the pain crease on Esme's face.

"Of course we'll have you. You are our son. I'll miss you terribly, Edward. Please don't be a stranger to us."

"I won't. I promise, mom," I said, kissing her cheek.

I turned to Carlisle, and he smiled warmly.

"Carlisle, I …"

"Don't apologize, son. And there is no need to explain. This is what you want, and we respect that. Just make sure you look after yourself," he said, hugging me.

"I will."

"Okay," he said. "Our flight leaves soon. We better get going. Goodbye, Edward. Take care, and come back soon."

"I will." It was all I could say as I watched them leave. Then I was alone, and a silence filled the house unlike any other, and the weight of my decisions was starting to make me fold. I gathered my thoughts quickly, but barely, together, and headed to Bella's.


	11. Chapter 11

I took the car, as I wasn't planning on staying the night, so I didn't need to run. Bella wasn't home yet, but Charlie invited me in to wait. We sat in the living room, watching the sport channel. He offered me some pizza, and I took a slice to be polite. After all, it would be the last time he would offer me dinner.

I could hear Bella arriving home, but I made no move from the armchair I was seated in.

"Dad? Edward?" she called from the front door.

"In here," Charlie called in reply.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie answered. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay," she said, waiting in the doorway.

I looked over to her, and smiled. "I'll be right behind you," I said, and turned my attention back to the television.

I could hear her racing about upstairs, then she came back in with her camera. She started taking pictures of Charlie, who grumbled about it. He didn't like his photo being taken.

"Hey, Edward. Take one of me and my dad together," she said, throwing her camera to me. Maybe this was her idea of a distraction, but it didn't work on me.

"You need to smile, Bella," I murmured, as I took the snap.

"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie said, and I stood and tossed him the camera.

Bella held me securely around my waist, but all I could do was place a hand on her shoulder. It felt wrong, but I had to be hesitant, distant. I couldn't go back on my plan.

Charlie took the picture, and I went back to sitting in the armchair. We were all silent as we watched TV. I could see the fear in Bella's eyes, and I had to divert my own away from hers. I couldn't look at her. It hurt too much.

When the program ended, I stood and said, "I'd better get home."

"See ya," Charlie said as Bella stood to walk me to the door. I headed straight out the door and over to my car.

"Will you stay?" Bella whispered.

"Not tonight," I said as I got into my car. As I drove away, I could feel her staring after me. A flicker of regret flashed through me, but I pushed it aside instantly. I had to stay focused on my path ahead.

The following day was silent again. At lunch, Bella passed her camera around, wanting photos of everyone.

After school, I walked Bella to her truck as normal. I didn't kiss her goodbye as I closed the door behind her. She was working tonight, so it was the perfect excuse to stay away.

I didn't go home. I didn't want to be in the house when it was so empty, so I went hunting, as a distraction. It didn't distract me at all. Thoughts that Bella needed me started creeping back into my mind, and I had to fight to clear them. I would have to tell her tomorrow. I couldn't wait any longer.

The day went much the same as yesterday. We were both silent, and as I walked her to her truck, I knew I had to do it now.

"Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked.

"Of course not."

"Now?" I asked, opening her door for her.

"Sure. I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

"I'll do it," I said quietly, eyeing the fat envelope and snatching it up. "And I'll still beat you home." I smiled, hoping that it was a natural looking smile. I wasn't convinced it was.

"Okay," she agreed, and I walked to my car.

As I drove to Bella's, I didn't stop to mail the package to her mom. I had realised that all the photo taking was for Renee and Charlie's benefit. I knew she was aware of my behaviour over the past few days, and I assumed she knew there was a change coming. I think she knew we were leaving, but she must have assumed I was taking her with me. That was the reason for the photos. She wanted to leave her family a reminder.

Well, I had promised to leave no reminders of me, so I didn't post the package. If I did, she would be able to get them back. I didn't want that. It would just make things harder.

I pulled up in front of Bella's house, parking in Charlie's spot. I was hoping this would be quick.

I darted into Bella's house. I was going to talk to her outside, and knowing Bella, she would try and follow me when I left. She would get lost in the woods. So I quickly forged a note for Charlie, so he would know where to find her.

I had also said no reminders, so I sprinted to her room with the intentions of taking the CD I'd made her, her birthday gifts and her photos.

But I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't take them. I needed to leave a piece of me with her, but at the same time, I didn't want her to remember. That way, the hurt wouldn't be too bad.

I could leave them if I hid them, couldn't I? That way I would know she had me with her, even if it wasn't physically. That helped a little, so I swiftly lifted a floorboard and hid them there, where she wouldn't find them. Then I went and waited in my car.

I got out of the car as Bella pulled up and got out of her truck. I walked over to her and took her bag, but instead of carrying it in the house as normal, I threw it back in her truck.

"Come for a walk with me," I said, taking her hand and trying to keep my voice even. This was going to be painful, but I tried to keep my focus.

I didn't wait for an answer. I just pulled her along with me, as I headed into the forest that surrounded Bella's house. I would begin with using the family as an excuse to leave, and work from there.

We only went a few steps onto the trail before I stopped. I didn't want to leave her without seeing her way back. I leaned against a tree, and stared at her. This was it.

"Okay. Let's talk," she said.

I had to take a deep breath to compose myself.

"Bella, we're leaving."

She, also, took a deep breath. "Why now? Another year -"

"Bella, it's time," I interrupted. "How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon, regardless." It was a very plausible explanation, but confusion filled her eyes, and she stared at me. Then realisation dawned.

"When you say _we_ -" she whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." I said each work slowly, letting it sink in.

She shook her head back and forth. It was a few minutes before she could speak.

"Okay," she said, finally. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going … It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life," she retorted.

"My world is not for you," I said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper - that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay -"

"As long as it was best for you," I corrected.

"_No!_ This is about my soul, isn't it?" She was furious now, but I could hear the plea in her voice. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you - it's your's already!"

I took a deep breath, knowing she thought her words were true, that she meant every one. This was going to be more difficult than I thought. I was going to have to be cruel. I didn't want to, but I had to. I could feel the crack in my dead heart widen, getting deeper. I had to focus, keep strong. I could think about it later, when I was gone.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me," I said slowly, trying to get her to absorb what I was saying.

"You … don't … want me?"

It wasn't exactly what I had said, but if that was the way she took it, I would use it.

"No," I said coldly.

"Well, that changes things." Her voice was calmer than I thought.

I looked away from her as I said my next statement, because I knew if I looked at her when I said it, I would falter. My eyes and face would betray me.

"Of course, I'll always love you … in a way. But what happened the other night made me realise that it's time for a change. Because I'm _…__ tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human."

I looked back toward her then, my face like stone. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't she whispered, begging now. "Don't do this."

"You're not good for me, Bella." I turned my earlier words around, so she had no argument. She always thought she wasn't good enough for me, and although I hated to do so, I used it now to my advantage.

"If … that's what you want," she said quietly.

I nodded once, knowing that if I said the words, she would know I was lying.

"I would like to ask one favour, though, if that's not too much," I said, looking into her eyes.

As I looked, I could now see what I had done. Her eyes were hollow, empty. Dead. I had ripped her heart out, stomped all over it, and now I was wanting more from her. My resolve started to melt, and had to quickly gain my composure again.

"Anything," she promised.

I stared at her intently, wanting her to take this in. My voice became softer, less remote.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I didn't want her to hurt herself, in any way, after I was gone.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course," I said, distance returning to my tone. "He needs you. Take care of yourself - for him." _And for me,_ I wanted to add.

"I will," she whispered.

"And I'll make a promise to you in return. I promise that this will be the last time you see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed."

Her heart started to race, and I could hear her pulse pounding louder than normal. I tried to find a smile for her.

"Don't worry," I said. "You are human - your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she asked, her voice breaking.

"Well … I won't forget. But _my_ kind … we're very easily distracted."

I took a step away from her, sure that she fully understood now. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back," she stated.

I shook my head. "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?"

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her a clean break would be better for you."

She didn't answer, and her breath came out in small gasps. I had to leave before my will came crashing down.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Wait!" she choked out, and reached for me. I locked my hands around her wrists, and pinned them to her sides. And for the last time, I leaned down to kiss her forehead.

"Take care of yourself," I breathed, and then ran out of the woods, and away from my Bella.


	12. Chapter 12

As I raced to the airport, the past few days finally got too much for me. The crack I felt in my dead heart turned into a canyon, finally breaking in two. I knew it would be painful leaving Bella, but this was agony. Torture. My breathing became ragged, coming in little sobs, but my eyes couldn't tear. I almost turned back then, but I remembered why I was doing this in the first place. I was doing this for her, finally doing right by her.

But it didn't feel right, to hurt her the way I had. I reminded myself that she was human, and she would get over me. She would heal.

As I got to the airport, I realised I had no idea where I was going. Well, I would see what flights were available, and go from there.

My cell buzzed as I entered the building. I flipped it open.

"Edward?" It was Alice.

"Hi Alice," I said, my voice strained.

"Are you okay? You sound terrible."

"I'm at the airport. I'm okay. Or I will be, once I get out of here," I mumbled.

"How did it go?" she asked warily. "I didn't want to intrude, so I didn't watch."

"Well …" I hesitated. "It went to plan, at least. She believed me. I thought she would take a lot of persuading, but she believed me. Easily." I was surprised as that realisation sank in.

"She would, Edward. You have been nothing but truthful to her. There would be no reason to doubt you. How did she take it?"

I paused, finally letting the afternoon sink in. "She _seemed_ to take it okay. She didn't cry, but …" I closed my eyes as I remembered hers. "Her eyes were _dead_, Alice. It was like she had no emotions and was unable to feel anything anymore."

Alice was silent on the other end of the call. I knew she was still there, so I waited. Finally, she spoke.

"I don't think this was such a good idea, after all, Edward."

"It was the _right_ thing, Alice," I whispered, trying to convince myself, too.

"I don't know, Edward. I promised you I wouldn't search for her, and I won't. But I feel she isn't going to be in a good place. You were her life. I'm scared she will do something stupid, Edward," she whispered anxiously.

"She won't," I said, my voice stronger. "She promised me she wouldn't do anything reckless."

I hoped she wouldn't. If all goes to plan, she will be fine soon, and will be able to get on with her life. Without me.

"Edward," Alice said sternly. "Bella is like you. She will _need_ distractions. And just what sort of distractions do you think she will want? This is _not_ a good idea. She may not intentionally hurt herself, but, think about it, Edward. It is Bella we're talking about here."

"She promised," I answered back, coldly.

"Yes," Alice agreed. "But her head would have been all over the place when she made that promise. She wouldn't have known what she was saying. This will not end good, Edward."

"She'll be fine," I snapped. "And I'll be fine knowing she is. I have to go."

"Edward, please. I'm sorry," she said.

"I'll call you later, when I know where I'm going," I said more softly.

I hung up without saying goodbye. Alice was wrong. Bella _was_ better off without me. A crushing, sinking feeling came over me when I thought about never seeing Bella again. Although I was technically dead, it still felt as if I had died inside, and that part, I left with her.

An excruciating wave of pain rippled through me then, and I had to sit doubled over to try and ease the immense anguish I suddenly felt. Maybe Alice _was_ right. Maybe I had done the wrong thing. I wanted the pain to wash me away, wash me up somewhere that I could no longer feel.

I had to try and compose myself as I realised I was still in the airport foyer. As I tried to fight the feelings aside, I remembered _why_ I was leaving. If I had stayed and Bella had died, the pain I felt now would be nothing compared to the hurt I would feel then. That thought brought me back to my senses. Her _life_ was the most important thing here, and she was alive. That was all I wanted. For her to live. And that brought another thought … Victoria.

That may be a good distraction for me. And it would help me to thank Bella, in a way, for giving me her love. A love that I didn't deserve, but she gave it willingly, anyway. It would give Bella a better chance at life if Victoria was gone. And, in a way, it would be an obligation. I couldn't allow her to get away with what happened last spring. James didn't, and neither should she.

It would be hard, as I wasn't any good at tracking, but I would try. I just needed a lead to start with. I remembered back to the night Rosalie and Esme had led Victoria away from Forks. Could she still be in the area? Maybe. She could be plotting her own revenge. Would that mean she would stay close? Possibly. But then, probably not. If Victoria was going to be a danger to Bella, she would have tried by now. And I'm sure she wouldn't, after seeing the size of my family.

I would track her down, anyway. If she ever found out we had left Forks, she may try then. Knowing I could try and protect Bella, even when I wasn't with her, helped. A little.


	13. Chapter 13

Instead of catching a flight, I decided to head to Seattle in my car. It was as good a place as any to start. James, Laurent and Victoria had mentioned Seattle last spring. Hopefully, she had lingered around for a while. If not, I would trawl through newspapers, libraries, and television searching for any unusual disappearances, and with any luck I would pick up a lead.

I vowed not to stay too long in Seattle just in case Bel … _she_ - I couldn't stand to think of her name - decided on any trips there. Just long enough to catch a break. If there were any Nomads around, I would ask them if they had seen the red-head on their travels.

Driving to Seattle gave me some time to think and prepare for my tracking expedition. Keeping all my focus on Victoria would help me - hopefully - to keep my mind clear of _her_. My mind was vast, though, capable of multiple thoughts at once. But if it was trained on one in particular, it would definitely help.

I got to Seattle after dark, and checked into a hotel. I booked the room for two nights, with the hope of finding a trail before I had to check-out again. I would start in the morning.

I never slept, of course, but tonight I felt uncharacteristically tired. Drained. So I lay on the hotel bed, and closed my eyes to rest them. In the darkness behind my eyes, an image floated toward me. It was _her_ face. Looking at me with a hollow expression and deadened eyes.

"_Don__'__t__" _the image whispered. _"__Don__'__t do this.__"_

My eyes flew open instantly. Another wave of pain cascaded over me, and the canyon in my heart grew wider. Closing my eyes was not a good idea. I didn't need images to remind me of the hurt that I had caused. To both of us. I tried to push all thoughts away, but it was harder now that I had stopped for the night, and I was alone.

Loneliness had never been a problem for me, but right now, I would have done anything for someone to comfort me, and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Childishly, I wished for my birth mother, with her beautiful, soothing green eyes.

I tried to imagine my mothers face, but whenever I thought I had it, the colour of her eyes would change to a deep, warm chocolate brown. And whenever I saw those eyes, I could have sworn I could smell her scent.

"Damn it!" I cried out, slamming my fist down on the bedside lamp, scattering it's shards on the floor.

_What am I doing here?_ I thought. How the hell was I ever going to exist without her? How can doing the right thing be so excruciating? I could always go back and beg for her forgiveness, and … And what? Watch her die at the hands of my family, or worse, myself? No. I left _for_ her. I had been selfish for too long. This _was_ the best thing to do. Just then, my cell rang. It was Alice.

"Alice," I sighed.

"Edward, are you going back to Forks? I just saw …"

"No," I interrupted. "No, Alice. I'm not. I will not go back and lead her down the road to her certain death." My voice was pained.

"Oh, Edward. Are you sure you have thought this through? I can hear in your voice how much pain you are in."

"Alice, please. It's the only way."

"We're heading to Denali. Why don't you come? You shouldn't be alone just now. You need your family around you," she said quietly.

"Maybe," I replied, with no conviction. "I have a few things to do first."

"Like what? There can't be …" She fell silent. I waited, knowing what she would see.

"Edward, you can't!" she finally said. "Not alone. What if Victoria has joined some others?"

"Then, I am sure you will give me plenty of warning. Please, Alice. It's the last thing I can do for her to keep her safe. I _need_ to do it."

"Edward, I … of course I will, but … well, can't you at least come to Denali first? Maybe Jazz and I could help you?" she asked, unhopeful.

"No, Alice. But you can help me by not telling the others what I'm doing. And it would also help if you could let me know of any visions that might be useful. But I don't want you to search. Just if they 'pop in'. I want to try on my own to …" I sighed. "… to try and keep my mind occupied."

Alice hesitated for a second. "Okay, Edward. If that's what you want."

"It is Alice. Thank you. How are the others?"

"They're okay. Carlisle and Esme are out hunting. I think Carlisle is trying to keep her as occupied as he can. Jazz and I will join them shortly."

"Where are you now?" I asked, trying to fill my mind.

"Vancouver. We'll be heading off again in the morning."

"Are they mad at me?" I asked, warily.

"Of course not. We all want what's best for you. Of course, Esme is missing you like crazy and it's only been a few days. Carlisle is trying to distract her, but I think he will need some distractions himself soon. Jazz feels wretched. He blames himself constantly. And me, well, I miss you."

"I miss you all too. Tell Jasper I don't blame him. I'm not mad, this is something I should have done a long time ago," I said, sincerely.

"Yeah. Maybe I should get him to use his gift on himself," she chuckled.

I chuckled a little, then sighed.

"Maybe I'll come and see you all soon. Tell them all I am okay."

"I will. I miss you. Goodbye, Edward. I love you."

"Love you, too. Bye Alice."

I felt a little better after talking with Alice. She took my mind off things for a moment or two. I missed my favourite sister, but she was only a phone call away.

I had a long night ahead of me, and I didn't want to lay here waiting for the pain to envelope me. So, I decided I would take a walk around the city, and see if there were any clues to Victoria's whereabouts on the streets. Maybe I'll find some of my kind that have crossed her, or even knew her. It would be a start, at least.


	14. Chapter 14

The city was actually quite comforting. I had been here many, many times, and I knew every street, back street, and alleyway. I knew where the regular haunts of my kind were, so I would try a few of them first.

The first few places I tried, were empty. It seemed the city was quiet tonight, of my kind, anyway. I continued walking, searching the dark corners of alleys, and finding nothing.

I decided to go back to the hotel and watch some of the news channels on tv. I would start in the libraries in the morning. As I headed back, I kept my eyes open for anyone that might help. I passed by yet another side street, and stopped dead in my tracks. I had caught a glimpse of shocking red hair running down the street. I spun on my heels and sprinted down the road.

As I whirled around the corner, I ran into a group of humans. The red-head was with them, but it wasn't Victoria. I should have known by the scent it wasn't her, but my mind seemed to be in disarray.

"Sorry," I mumbled, as the group jumped back from me. I walked back the way I'd came with their thoughts of fear in my head. I knew this would be hard, but it wouldn't help if I didn't use all my senses to their full capacity. I had to be more vigilant.

I got to the hotel, and went straight to my room. I switched on the news channel to see if there was anything interesting that I could use.

As I listened to normal, mundane trivia, my mind began wandering again. I wondered if _she_ had tried to follow me and if Charlie found her. Of course he would. He was the Chief of Police and had everything at his disposal if a search was needed. Yes, I needn't worry there. I knew she would be well looked after.

I wondered what she was doing right now. Was she asleep? Could she sleep? Probably not. She had a hard time settling into sleep if something was bothering her. And my departure had been a little more than troublesome. I had devastated her, to say the least. I could almost feel the warmth of her body in my arms, as I imagined cradling her, soothing her.

The agony engulfed me again, as I rolled into a ball on the bed, trying to comfort myself. I had promised myself I wouldn't think about her, but I couldn't push the image of her face from my mind.

"What have I done?" I whispered to the empty room.

Alice had mentioned distractions before she left Forks. What exactly would Bella's - I winced at her name - distractions be? She was determined to condemn herself to eternal damnation. Surely she wouldn't go looking for our kind in order to do that? I groaned at the possibility.

No, I argued with myself again. She promised. She wouldn't go back on the last promise she made me. And besides, I don't think Charlie would let her out of his sight, anytime soon.

My tearless sobs began again, and my whole body ached for her. But it was too late to turn back now. The whole point of this torture was so she could have a normal human life. Meet someone else that wouldn't endanger her life every second. Get married … have kids. That thought brought on a fresh wave of pain.

But, I would endure it, knowing she was safe. I would survive knowing she was alive and well, somewhere in this world. And my parting gift for her would be me hunting down Victoria, making sure the red-head would be no danger to her, and then I could curl up and grieve until the end of eternity. Until then, I had to keep a level head. The game was just beginning.

I sat up, taking a deep breath to try and compose myself, and flipped through the news channels. I stopped at one that had caught my attention.

"_Five hikers have gone missing in the past three weeks, and another was reported missing this morning, in the Wrangell-Saint Elias National Park. No details have been provided of the missing. However, Park Rangers have discounted bear attacks, as there has been no evidence of such.__"_

I switched the tv off and called Alice.

"Hi," she answered on the first ring.

"Hey. I was thinking I may visit sooner rather than later."

"Great! When shall we expect you?"

"I'll leave on the next available flight. So, hopefully sometime early tomorrow," I said, packing my bag as I spoke.

"Esme will be pleased." The excitement in her voice was unmistakeable. I smiled a little.

"Alice, can you do me a favour?"

"Of course, Edward."

"Can you ask the others not to speak of … well, you know … when I get there? I need to keep my head clear, and also …"

"You said _one_, Edward," she said, chuckling.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, there have been some hikers go missing in Wrangell Park. Could you have a look and see if there is anything of interest?"

"Of course. Shall we be travelling to Denali together?" she asked.

"I'm not sure yet, Alice. It will depend if you can see anything useful or not."

"Okay, I'll get right on it. You get yourself to the airport."

"Thanks, Alice. See you soon."

"See ya, Edward."

I checked out, drove to the airport, and waited for the next flight to Vancouver.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hey guys. Thanks for the reviews. psychovampirefreak : Thank you! I hope you will stick with me.**

**trixxycullen02 : Thank you. I'm trying to keep true to stephenie meyer's characters. I hope i am doing them justice. Yes, I definately think you should do your EPOV, and i can't wait to read it.**

**Anyway, on with the story. I hope you will enjoy it.**

**As always, i do not own twilight.**

Carlisle was waiting for me at the airport. His smile was almost as big as the hug he gave me.

"Edward, it's good to see you," he said.

"Carlisle, it's only been a few days."

"I know, I know. How have you been?"

"I've been ... okay," I said, not wanting him to know that I was in a bad way.

"Good," he said. "Esme can't wait to see you."

I smiled. "Why didn't she come with you?" I asked.

"Oh, she decided to stay behind, incase you needed to talk. Alone."

Esme was always so thoughtful and caring when it came to her family. She always put us first, before herself. I felt a great deal of guilt when I thought about her, knowing that I would hurt her by leaving again.

"I'd rather not, if you don't mind, Carlisle. I'd like to try and ... well, forget, if possible," I mumbled.

"Of course. Whatever you want. You do know I am here for you, if the need should arise."

"Thanks, Carlisle, but I'm good," I lied. "How has Jasper been? Has he calmed down any?" I asked, as a diversion.

"He's okay. Alice had a good talk with him last night. It seems to have worked. He was a little more like himself this morning."

"I'm glad. I don't want him worrying or moping. And you and Esme?"

"Fine, Edward. Just fine. She's missing you desperately, of course, but we are keeping her occupied. I have been offered a job in Ithica. It doesn't start for a few weeks, that's why we're heading to Denali. A little vacation before moving on."

"That's great, Carlisle. Esme will be occupied with finding a home, and renovating it."

"She's actually already found a nice home for us. It doesn't need much work, but of course she will put her stamp on it," he said with a smile. The adoration in his eyes was undeniable when he spoke of her.

As we were heading for the hotel, the car journey became tedious to me. I was eager to speak to Alice, and find out if she had seen anything of use to me.

As we drove, I was quiet. I wouldn't be able to stay long, as I had to make a start on finding the red-head. I knew Esme would be unhappy with me leaving so soon, but at least I could give her a proper goodbye. I didn't know where I was going, or how long I would be gone.

_He's very quiet,_ Carlisle thought. _He's empty. A shell of his former self. I wish I could do something to help him._

"You did, Carlisle," I whispered. "You helped me by uprooting yourselves when I needed you to."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to think so loudly," he said with a faint smile.

"That's okay. I don't mind. I just ... I never thought it would be this hard."

"Of course it's hard, son. When change comes for one of us, it's irreversible. I just hope it will get easier for you, through time."

"But I will never be completely healed," I whispered, looking out the car window. "That's why I've decided to tra-" I hesitated, not wanting him to know about Victoria. "-travel. I'm hoping it will keep my mind occupied, and let the time pass quicker."

"It may help. You did the right thing, Edward. Remember that."

"I'm trying. Really I am."

We arrived at the hotel, and Alice was waiting at the entrance for us. She was the most impatient vampire I had ever known. I smiled as I saw her.

"Hey, Edward," she grinned, bouncing over to us.

"Hey, Alice," I smiled, and caught her as she sprung into my arms. I chuckled as she kissed my cheek.

"It's good to see you," she said, sliding out of my arms. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. Is there any news?"

"A little. I'll tell you later. Esme's dying to see you," she said, grabbing my hand, and hauling me toward the elevator.

Esme rushed over and hugged me fiercely, when I entered the room.

"Oh, Edward. I've been so worried. It's good you've come," she said, kissing my forehead.

"Thanks, Esme."

Jasper walked over and held his hand out, wanting to shake mine. He was being reserved, not knowing what my reaction would be. I rolled my eyes at him, and pulled him into my arms, hugging him the way a brother should.

"Don't be ridiculous, Jasper," I said as I let him go. "It's good to see you."

He was frowning as I let him go, and then a wide grin spread across his face. Now he had finally realised I didn't blame him.

"It's real good seeing you, too, Edward," he said, still grinning.

It was good to see my family. Although we hadn't been apart for long, I knew they were all worrying about me, and they were pleased I had come. I had to admit, I was glad, too.

"So," I said. "How's Emmett and Rosalie? Have you heard from them?"

"Yes," Esme replied. "They are in London. Emmett thought it would be fun to see where Carlisle originally came from."

Knowing Emmett, he would be hoping to see the exact place of Carlisle's transformation. He could be quite morbidly curious at times.

"Well, it would be good to see the actual city, instead of hearing about it from Carlisle's stories," I said. "At least they will be able to visualise it correctly now."

Carlisle smiled. "They are heading to Paris next. They are enjoying themselves, and they enquire after you each time they call."

I smiled, turning toward Alice. "So, Alice. What size of shopping list did you give Rosalie for Paris?"

"Har, har, Edward," she said, scowling at me. "It wasn't that big, actually."

Jasper snorted. "Yeah, right. Let's just say they will need to hire a jumbo jet to get it all home."

We all laughed. It felt strange to laugh, but good in a way. Even if it was for just a second. During that second of laughter, I could almost push my worries and pain to the side. I felt almost ... well, normal.


	16. Chapter 16

As the family packed for their trip to Denali, I still wasn't sure if I was going, so I went to Alice's room to speak with her. I knocked the door.

"Come in, Edward."

I walked in and she was fluttering around, packing her bags.

"Hey," she said, stopping and grinning at me.

"Hi," I said, smiling back. "So, what news is there, Alice?"

"Well, I couldn't see much. But, as far as I can tell, she's moving north. Laurent has been at Denali, but he's on the move, too. I think they are going to meet one and other. That's all I got, Edward. Sorry."

"It's more than I'd hoped for, Alice. Did you get a sense of the time scale? Are they moving now, or soon?" I asked, eager to get going.

Her eyes closed, and I let her be, not wanting to interrupt anything she may see. Her eyes opened after just a second.

"They're moving, but not quickly. They are in no hurry. Laurent hasn't been gone fom Denali long."

"Thanks, Alice."

"So, are you coming with us?"

"Yes. I'll come with you. Tanya may have something more to add, and if not, I'm sure I'll be able to pick them up quite soon, if they haven't been traveling long."

Alice's face grew sombre. _I wish you wouldn't do this alone,_ she thought.

"I'll be fine, Alice," I assured her.

"I understand this is something you have to do, but do you have to do it alone? I mean, if you catch up to her and Laurent's still with her ..."

"Alice. I promise I won't do anything until I can see she's on her own. I will keep a safe distance and track her as far as possible. Please, there is no need to worry," I said, trying to calm her.

"I can't help worrying, Edward. You are not exactly in the right frame of mind for one hundred percent concentration, are you?" she asked anxiously.

It was true I was finding it difficult to concentrate, but once I had my mind set on one specific path, I knew I could do it. I would set my mind on Victoria, and she would have my undivided attention. Hopefully.

"Alice, it'll be okay. If you're worrying so much, why don't you look ahead for me?"

"I already have," she admitted. "I can't see anything but you traveling. For a long time."

"You see," I said. "Nothing to worry about."

"But you are going to be gone for so long, Edward. I can't see past that, yet."

"Alice, I'm a big boy," I said, trying to put her at ease. "And I'm just a phone call away, if you see anything I need to be aware of. I _need_ to do this."

She nodded solemnly, and I hugged her. I didn't understand why she worried so much when she could see ahead. She didn't see any danger in the near future. Maybe she was just scared because she knew how I was feeling, right now. Maybe she thought I would do something stupid.

"Alice," I said, trying to appease her. "I'll keep myself safe. I promise. You really don't have to worry."

At the moment, it felt like a half-hearted promise. I wouldn't really care if anything happened to me. I was dead inside, already. If I got myself killed, then so be it. As long as I could take out the red-head with me. Then I could leave this existence knowing that I had kept my word, and kept Bella safe. It would be the last thing I would ever do for her.


	17. Chapter 17

We arrived in Denali the following day, and our extended family were pleased to see us.

"Carlisle," Eleazer greeted him, extending his hand toward him. "How are you, my old friend?"

"Very well, Eleazer. How have you been? It's been too long," Carlisle said, taking his hand.

"We have been well. Living quietly. And Edward," he said, reaching for my hand. "We weren't expecting you, but of course, it's a pleasure and you are most welcome."

"Thank you, Eleazer," I said, shaking his hand.

"Please, come in, come in. The girls are inside."

He gestured with his hand toward the door, inviting us in. Their house was large, much like ours. It was minimally furnished and sophisticated. It looked beautiful against the backdrop of snow covered mountains.

Tanya caught my eye first. The last time I was here, I had hurt her with my rejection toward her advances. I had felt terrible then, and I still felt bad now. But her thoughts were fine. She was surprised to see me, but it seemed she was over her infatuation with me. For that, I was glad. It would make my time here less awkward.

"Edward. What a pleasant surprise. How have you been?" she asked, hugging me lightly.

"Fine, thanks Tanya. And you?"

"Great, thanks."

The others, Carmen, Irina and Kate, all greeted us with hugs and pleasantries. They all had a lot of catching up to do, as they hadn't seen each other for a while. I was the last one to visit about six months ago. There was a lot of stories and laugter. I was in no mood for laughter, so I excused myself, and went for a walk in the snow.

The last time I was here, it was because of Bella. It wasn't her fault, of course, and it wasn't her fault now. I couldn't appreciate the beauty of the wilderness then, and I couldn't now. My mind filled with sad memories, and my vision blurred with the picture of her face again. I slumped down in the snow, sitting and pulling my knees to my chest, placing my chin on them.

Regret, remorse and pain washed over me again. I shouldn't have come here. It was a reminder of what had passed. I hated it. I wished it would end. I couldn't see myself coping for much longer. I had given up the only precious thing in my life, and for what? For me to torture myself for eternity?

"Edward?"

I jumped up instantly. I hadn't heard anyone approach. I was too lost in my thoughts. It was Tanya.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry if I startled you."

"I'm fine, Tanya," I lied. "I was just doing some thinking. I kind of got wound up in my thoughts."

"Can I ask what troubles you?" she asked politely.

Her thoughts were full of genuine concern, which I was pleased about. There were no alterior motives behind them.

I didn't want to tell her I was distracted about thoughts of a human girl again. She would probably think I was crazy, so I asked about Victoria instead.

"I'm planning a tracking expedition," I explained. "It is a female of our kind that is potentially dangerous to humans and to us." Well, one human inparticular, I thought. "I believe she is friends with Laurent."

"Laurent was here for a time. Irina and him grew quite close. But he never mentioned anything about another female. He did mention visiting a friend before he left, but didn't say who."

"How long as he been gone?" I asked.

"He left a few days ago, before Carlisle told us of his visit. Laurent just said he had to go and see a friend who needed his help."

What did Victoria need help with? Or was that just an excuse for Laurent to leave? Who knew, but I intended to find out.

"Did he mention where he was headed?" I asked, hopefully.

"Not to me. He could have told Irina, though. You should speak with her."

"Thanks, Tanya."

"You're welcome. Are you sure there is nothing else bothering you, Edward? You don't seem yourself."

"No, nothing," I lied again. "I just want to stop her as she is more of a danger than anyone else of our kind. She is very sadistic, and she doesn't care who it is she hunts."

Tanya probably wouldn't fall for that, but she didn't say anything, not even in her thoughts. Carlisle had probably already told them a little of why we had left, but she didn't enquire. For that, I was grateful.

"Would you like to accompany me on a hunt?" she asked.

"No thanks, Tanya. I'm good. I'm going to ask Irina about Laurent. You don't mind?"

"No, not at all. Kate's coming with me anyway. I just thought you could do with a break from your thoughts."

I smiled. I didn't have much of an appetite, anyway. I would hunt when I needed to while tracking. I didn't need to at the moment, so I didn't think about it.

"Let me walk you back to the house, at least," I said.

"How about a race?" she asked, with a glint in her eye. I grinned. It had seemed like an age since I had a good run. Maybe it would blow some of the cobwebs away.

"Okay," I agreed. "On your marks ..."

"GO!" Tanya yelled, and was off before I could get the next line out of my mouth.

"Cheat!" I called, and bolted after her.

I didn't run to my full potential. I just didn't seem to enjoy it now, the way I used to. Nothing seemed adequate anymore.

"A draw," Tanya said, when we reached the house. "You must be getting old, Edward," she said, jokingly.

"Yeah, I certainly feel my century today," I replied.

Tanya smiled. "Worrying too much of others, and not about yourself, will takes it's toll, Edward. You need to try and relax, and look after _you._"

I smiled back. "I will, Tanya."

"Good boy. Now I'm going to grab Kate. I'm sure Irina is inside. I'll see you later," she said, kissing me on the cheek and flitting off to find Kate.

I walked into the house and the others were still regailing each other with their news and stories.

Alice glanced at me. _Are you alright?_ she thought, frowning slightly. I nodded.

"Irina, may I have a word, please," I asked.

"Of course, Edward," she replied, and I gestured for her to walk with me.

"How can I help you?" she asked, once we were outside.

"Irina, your friend Laurent. Do you know where he is going?" I asked, with no explanation as to why I would want to know.

"No," she replied. "All he said was he had to head south again, to help a friend. Why do you want to know?"

I contemplated before I answered. I didn't want to offend her in any way. "I need to find his friend. Personal reasons," I said.

"Edward, Laurent had nothing to do with what happened to Bella. You can't go after him for something that wasn't his fault," she said through her teeth.

So, Laurent had told Irina what had happened. She was more clued in than I thought. Irina had obviously kept her mouth shut, or Tanya would have known.

"I don't want Laurent, Irina. I need to find the red-head, and if you know where, I would like for you to tell me."

"I don't know where, Edward. But if you harm Laurent, I will never forgive you," she hissed.

"Irina, please. I have no argument with Laurent. He was actually very helpful to us before. I swear he will not be harmed. Please, if you know anything ..."

Irina gazed at me, trying to decipher if there were any lie behind my words.

"I'm sorry," she said, calmly. "I don't know where. As I said, he only told me he was heading south."

I could tell she was telling the truth. Her thoughts were exactly in line with her spoken words.

"Thank you, Irina."

"Edward ..."

A worried look had crossed her face. She was closer to Laurent than Tanya had thought. Irina now worried for him.

"Irina, he won't be touched. I will make sure he is nowhere near when I confront her. I promise."

She seemed to process my words, and then nodded.

"Thank you, Edward. He's not a bad person. He tried very hard, while he was here, to be like us. He _wanted_ to be like us. Of course, it would take time, and now he's gone. It'll be back to square one when he gets back."

I smiled at her. "Just as well you are so patient then, Irina."


	18. Chapter 18

When we returned to the house, Carlisle and Esme were getting ready for a hunting trip. Although they had fed a couple of days ago, Esme had a penchant for the Canadian Lynx that roamed Denali. Sort of like a snack for her.

"Would you like to join us, Edward?" Carlisle asked. I wasn't thirsty, but I knew I would have to fill up before I left, and I needed to tell Carlisle my plans. If I was going to be away for as long as Alice had seen, then he had the right to know why.

"Yes. I will, Carlisle. Thank you."

He smiled, and Esme rubbed my shoulder. I thought it would please them that I was at least trying to make an effort.

Carlisle and I ran into a herd of Caribou, while Esme had caught the scent of a Lynx. She ran after her snack, while Carlisle and I satisfied ourself with the Caribou.

I had my fill before Carlisle was finished, so I sat back to wait. I stared up toward the sky, not seeing any of the stars that were shimmering back at me. Everything seemed inconsequential to me. The exquisite stars, the beauty of the wilderness, they all meant nothing to me now. The only thing that was significant to me, I no longer had. I sighed a heavy sigh.

_He's struggling, _Carlisle thought, as he walked toward me. _I hate to see him so._

He sat next to me, and glanced at me. _I wish he would talk to me. It may help him._

"Edward?" he asked.

I looked at him with a faint smile. It was the best I could do.

"Won't you talk to me, son? It may help if you get rid of some of your thoughts."

"I don't think it would help, Carlisle. I don't think anything would," I said, looking down.

Carlisle had always been compassionate, and even more so with his family. He didn't like to see any of us hurting or struggling. He always wanted to help take any anguish away from us. If he could, he would happily take my pain, so I didn't have to hurt anymore. But I would never allow him to suffer the torture I felt now. I will endure my agony, so no one else would have to.

"Carlisle, I need to leave again," I said, glancing at him.

"So soon? But we have just arrived."

"I know, but I want to ... I _need_ to ... track Victoria down."

"No, Edward. You can't." I could hear the anguish in his voice.

"I have to, Carlisle. It's the last thing I can do to protect ..." I inhaled a shaky breath. "... Bella."

_You've thought this through, haven't you?_ he thought, while scrutinising my expression.

"Yes. It's the only thing I can do for her now. I wouldn't be able to settle knowing the red-head is still out there. It's sort of ... well, a thank you, for the past six months."

Carlisle nodded, understanding. His features still had concern all over them, though, so I tried to ease him.

"I'll keep myself safe, Carlisle. I won't do anything asinine. I promise."

"Are you sure you're ready, Edward? I mean mentall? I know that physically ..."

"It's what I need for myself, too, Carlisle. I think I need to do this for my own sanity. I need to keep my mind active, otherwise I would curl up in a ball somewhere, or I would ... I don't know. But I _need_ this."

"I can see that, Edward," he said, staring at me intently. "I won't tell Esme, it would worry her to death. How long do you expect to be gone?"

"I don't know. I will tell Esme that I just want to travel for a while and, hopefully, she won't worry too much. I'll keep in touch, of course."

"Of course you will," he answered. "And if you need some help, you musn't hesitate to call us, Edward."

I nodded. I knew Carlisle would understand. I just didn't want to hurt him any more than I had.

"You'll stay the remainder of the evening, though?" he asked.

"Of course. I need to say goodbye, anyway."

Carlisle placed his arm around my shoulders.

_Come back to us. Soon,_ he thought.

Esme came through the trees then, and her face drew into a frown of concern.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing at all," Carlisle replied. "Edward has decided to go traveling for a while, that's all."

"Oh," she said, and she sat by me, on the opposite side from Carlisle. "If that's what you want."

"It is, Esme. I need some time alone. I hope you understand. I don't wish to cause you any anguish."

"Of course not, dear. As long as you will be well and look after yourself."

"I will, mom. I promise." I gave her a small smile.

_You poor child,_ she thought, and then she hugged me.

"Okay," Carlisle said. "Is everyone finished? Shall we head back? Maybe Eleazer will entertain us with more of his tales."

We all nodded, and started back to the house. I wasn't really in the mood for stories, but it would keep my mind occupied for a time. The night may pass quicker with some ... entertainment, for want of a better word.

The night did go in a bit quicker with Eleazer's tales. He told us a little of the time he was with the Volturi, and how he had been long in their service. Once he found Carmen, he never looked back.

_Edward._

I glanced at Alice.

_They're getting closer to one and other. I can't see where, but soon. You'd better leave now if you want any chance of catching her scent._

I nodded once. I waited for Eleazer to have a break in his story, then took the opportunity.

"Eleazer, your stories are very entertaining, but I'm afraid I have to take my leave."

"Right now, Edward?" Esme asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry to run out so soon, but if I don't leave now, well ... I may not make the rest of your stay so enjoyable."

"Edward, you wouldn't, you ..." she began, but Carlisle hushed her, gently.

"Esme, let him go. He's ready to leave. We musn't stop him," he said, putting his arms around her.

"I'm sure I won't be gone long," I tried to comfort her. "and I will keep in touch. You needn't worry, Esme."

"It was good seeing you again, Edward," Eleazer said. "Don't leave it so long the next time."

"I won't," I lied. I knew i would be gone for a long time. "Thank you for your hospitality."

"You are welcome," he said, shaking my hand.

"Adios. Cuidas de si mismo," Carmen said in her sweet Spanish voice.

"Por supuesto," I replied, kissing her cheek.

I turned to Irina, and her face was full of worry again. I walked over to her.

"Goodbye, Irina. Don't worry," I whispered, hugging her. She smiled faintly. "Tell Tanya and Kate goodbye for me."

"I will," she replied.

Alice hugged me next, her face sombre.

_Come back soon,_ she thought. _I hate not knowing when I will see you again._

"You will see sooner than I will know, Alice." I smiled.

_Miss you._

"Me too," I said, hugging her close.

"See ya, Edward," Jasper said, hugging both Alice and I.

"Soon," I replied.

The last of the goodbyes were for Carlisle and Esme. Esme looked so sad. I hated to see her so, but the others would make sure she was okay. And if things went well, I could be back sooner.

"Goodbye, mom. Please don't worry. I'll be home soon," I said, as she kissed my forehead.

"I love you, Edward. Take care."

"I love you, too."

"Goodbye, son. Be safe," Carlisle said, embracing me.

"I will. I love you," I said.

"And I you, Edward."

I grabbed my already packed bag, and headed for the door. I looked back once more at my family, not knowing when I would see them again. And with a heavy heart, I left.


	19. Chapter 19

It was painful leaving my family, but I tried not to let my brain compare that with the other loss I had suffered recently. If I did, I think I would have went into complete meltdown. One pain was more severe than the other - I knew I would see my family again, so that lessened that one - but the two together would have been too much. So, I managed (just) to keep the greater of the two at bay. It would do me no good to think of it now. Not when I had to concentrate on what lay ahead.

I was traveling by foot. I didn't want to risk driving incase I missed any scents. I was headed south to an unknown destination. Alice had seen them meeting in the south, but didn't know where. I decided to keep my pth to the forests around the country. If they needed to feed, forests would be the less conspicuous. After all, hikers went missing all the time, and if they were messy, the humans would attribute it to bear attacks. And, of course, it would be easier for my needs. I would need to keep my strength up.

So, I began my long journey south, with my little bag of tricks. Just a small change of clothes, some money, my cell and charger and a lighter, of course. I could always book into a motel for a few hours, if I needed to charge my cell. I wasn't planning on stopping very often, so I kept my cell switched off for the most part.

As I ran through an abundance of wilderness, I began to wonder what I would do once this was over. But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't se my future beyond it. It was empty, black. Maybe I didn't want to know what was ahead of me, when I couldn't share it with the one person that mattered. That one person's face floated into my vision again, and a crushing feeling overwhelmed me. I shook my head, willing the image to disperse. It wouldn't, and I had to stop mid-run.

_Edward,_ the image whispered. _Don't do this._

I whirled on my feet, sure she was behind me. The voice was so clear. She wasn't there, of course, but her image remained in front of me. I slumped to the ground, thinking that I must be losing my mind. I closed my eyes tight, and rubbed at my temples.

How could I have thought she was here? She didn't even know where I was, and as my mind rallied itself together again, I realised there was no scent. I had to get myself under control and focus, otherwise, my tracking debut would be useless. I took a few deep breaths and opened my eyes. Her face was gone, and a cracking echo reverberated through my hollow core, as the canyon in my heart grew wider, still.

I stood and shook the remnants of the image from my mind, took another deep breath to steady myself, and started running again. I couldn't afford these thoughts now. I needed my concentration to be one hundred percent.

I picked up Victoria's scent at Wrangell, and she followed the coastline to the southern-most tip of Alaska, before crossing into British Columbia. She seemed to be sticking to the coastline as close as possible. There were no other scents around her, so Laurent must have left her. He was probably on his way back to Denali. I hoped so. It would put Irina's mind at rest.

Victoria's scent didn't change course, and when I crossed into Washington, I grew anxious. What if she was heading back to Forks? Would I be too late if she had? She wouldn't have known we had left, as Laurent had left Denali before Carlisle had informed Tanya of our visit.

I tried to tell myself she wouldn't be so foolish, as to take on a family the size of ours. She had no idea we weren't there. Maybe she thought she could get Bella on her own. I prayed she would bypass Forks altogether, as a sinking feeling came over me. I began wishing I had never left now.

How ironic it would be if the one thing I thought I had done right, turned out to be the worst thing imaginable. I shook my head. Victoria was wiser than to take on seven vampires by herself. Unless she was on a suicide mission. If that was the case, she would have tried months ago. No. She wouldn't dare enter Forks.

She didn't. Her scent passed right by and headed through Oregon and into Nevada. I followed it into Death Valley National Park, and her scent grew stronger. I must be getting closer. And the surroundings were apt. Death Valley. It would be, literally, if I could get my hands on her here.

I didn't want to stop for anything, not when I felt so close, but I needed to feed. I would need my strength to propel myself faster. And this was a great area to hunt. There was an abundance of mountain lions, which I was more than partial to.

Once I had my fill, I lay back in the grass for a moment. I thought of my family, and how much I missed them, but I couldn't go back to them. Not yet. I needed to follow this through first. I may consider it after, but, if I was honest, I don't think I could, even then. Once this was over, I would have nothing to focus on, and all my memories would consume me. Crush me. I knew I wouldn't be able to be around anyone.

Her face blurred my vision again, but I didn't try to get rid of it this time. It kind of helped me focus on why I was doing this. It gave me more motivation. So I lay for a moment or two, but no longer, just incase it got too much for me. I stood, took a deep breath, and looked up to the sky.

I saw the moon, which in October was Hunters moon, and I thought that to be very appropriate. I was a hunter, tracking my prey, and I hoped this would be a good omen. I would take it as one, gladly. I let my eyes fall away from the sky, and with a deep breath, I started running again.


	20. Chapter 20

I followed Victoria down into Arizona, and I prayed she wasn't heading to Phoenix. I couldn't go back there. The memories I had for that place were excrutiating. I winced even at the thought of them now. Was she heading there to dig up more information to use? I hoped not.

My mind returned to that awful day last spring. James had almost killed Bella, and my wounded heart crumbled at the memory. I was almost too late then. I wouldn't be late now. I would capture and kill the red-head, before she even thought of heading north again.

Thankfully, she bypassed Phoenix, heading north to Flagstaff, and then heading south again. I sighed with relief. Going back to Phoenix would have snapped my mind. The agony of those memories, mingled with the torture I felt now, would have broken me completely and I would have given up.

The red-heads scent was growing steadily stronger. I must be closing in a good bit now. I followed it through New Mexico and into Texas. Her scent was becoming more intense as days passed. I couldn't be that far behind now. I listened with my mind for any distant thoughts, but as I didn't know the tenor of hers, I couldn't really hear anything of significance.

I didn't want to risk her finding out I was following, so I tried to hang back as much as I could. It was almost impossible to keep a safe distance as I fought with myself over my need for her capture, and my will to not attract her attention to me.

I trailed her to Victoria - how ironic that was - and I was almost sure I had heard her. There was some hissing thoughts, and I was positive I heard; _"It's him,"_ though, I couldn't be sure. When I was almost out of the town of Victoria, her scent seemed to double back.

_Damn it!_ I thought. She must have sensed me following, and was trying to get away from me. I followed the other trail as far back as Denton, and it abruptly stopped. Had she double backed again? There was no other trail to follow, and I couldn't see how she would get past me on the way back. Maybe she had gotten some transport.

I groaned. If I lost her now, all my weeks of tracking were for nothing. I decided to head back to the town of Victoria, incase she was trying to elude me. She may have gone back and past me somehow.

I was right. I picked up her trail again, heading south into Mexico. It perplexed me how she had gotten around me in Denton, but I didn't worry too much over that. I needed to concentrate again. Once was a mistake. Twice would be shear stupidity. I wouldn't allow her to et by me again.

I tracked her for weeka all through Mexico, following her spiraling tracks farther south. A few times she would double back, but then she would head south again. I was sure she was aware that I was behind her somewhere, and was trying to shake me off. I thought of calling Alice to ask her if she had seen anything else, but I decided against it. It would probably do me more harm than good, hearing her voice. I missed them all so much.

Knowing that Victoria was heading south into Mexico, I decided to take a break. I assumed it was safe enough to do so, as she seemed to have no intentions of heading north again, anytime soon.

I had no idea of what the date was, but it seemed like months had passed since I had been in contact with my family. I thought I'd better check in with them, at least to keep their minds at rest. I flipped my cell open and switched it on. I was surprised to see the date flash on my screen. It was December 21st. I groaned. It was almost Christmas.

We had never celebrated it in the way that most humans do, but Carlisle always liked the family together on that day, to give thanks. He always believed that if we conducted ourselves in the best, possible way, that there would be hope for our souls if, and when, we met our demise.

I didn't really believe that we had souls. How could monsters such as us ever be welcomed into Heaven, no matter how hard we tried to be good enough to get there. Of course, The Lord welcomed sinners with open arms if they repented, and we did. Every single day of our existence, we repented. But, regardless, we were damned as soon as we were bitten. I couldn't see why God would allow such abominations through His gates.

I did have hope, though. Hope that there was something beyond this life for us, but I was skeptical. If any of us deserved it, it would be Carlisle. He had never killed a human, even through his newborn year, and it took him two centuries before he tried to create a companion. He deserved much, much more than this existence gave him, but he was truly happy with his life.

I, however, did not deserve a better place to go to. I _had_ killed humans in my rebellious years. I hunted down murderers and tried to convince myself that I was doing good. If I took the life of a murderer, then I would be saving many people from their certain death. But you can never rid yourself of the guilt. No matter my reasons for doing it, I had still taken many human lives, regardless of how evil that life was.

I pulled myself from my memories, and another memory intruded. Bella. Would she have a peaceful Christmas, or had I destoyed that celebration for her, too?

_It seems to be ... much easier for you now,_ Bella's voice whispered in the darkness. I knew she was talking about our first night together, and how I could be close to her, but I took the double meaning.

"It's not easier," I whispered in the dark. "Every single day is a struggle without you."

I closed my eyes and lay down. I thought about pushing the image away, but, I embraced it instead. If this was the only way I could have her near me, then I would take it without argument. Although it was painful remembering, it almost seemed like a release to let her filter through my mind.

"I don't know what to do," I whispered again, finally admitting defeat.

_Whatever it was before I came along and complicated your existence, _she echoed back, from a different time.

I squeezed my eyes together and sighed heavily, willing my eyes to tear, just once. They didn't.

"I'm no good at it," I murmured back. I was no longer good without her.

_You're good at everything,_ she reminded me.

I shook my head slowly from side to side. If only that were true. This wouldn't be happening if I had been good at leaving the first time.

I opened my eyes and her vision was departing. I held my hand out to her. "Don't go," I pleaded.

_I love you, _she whispered, and then she was gone. I remained with my hand outstretched, willing her to return for a few moments. I drew back and placed my head in my hands, but I didn't allow the pain to have it's way with me.

I looked up and lifted my cell to call my family. I hoped they would forgive me for not coming home for Christmas. Just as I was about to hit the dial button, something flashed by me about a half mile away. I caught the scent. It was Victoria.


	21. Chapter 21

I was on my feet in an instant, remembering to switch my cell off to preserve battery life, and I streaked after her. She wouldn't get away this time. I had her now.

_Don't do this,_ my imaginary Bella begged. She had always worried more about others than herself. I smiled, glad she had returned.

"I have to do this," I answered while careering across the countryside toward the red-head.

_Not over me you don't!_ Her voice was angry now. How I missed her kitten-like ferocity she displayed, and the warm glow that rose in her cheeks when she did so.

The thought of never seeing that blush again, knocked the wind from my sails. I abruptly stopped my persuit. Though I didn't need the air, I had to catch my breath. It was the strangest feeling. It was like something was crushing my chest, not allowing any air back into my lungs. I couldn't do this anymore. The months, weeks, and days away from her, had done me no good at all.

I thought it would get easier, but I struggled even with my one goal of keeping Bella safe. All I wanted was to return and beg her to take me back, but, that too, would be futile.

I had to keep going to keep her safe. This was the only way to protect her. This fact I was finding more difficult to remember, the longer I stayed away. I could memorize tiniest details, but remebering why I was doing this, seemed to want to elude me.

My head snapped up as I regained my purpose, and started the chase again. The red-head shouldn't have gotten too far ahead, but I had no idea of how long I had been contemplating my thoughts.

I followed her all through the night, tracing her weaving trail. She was careful, as I heard no thoughts from her. She must have known about my gift. I guessed Laurent would have filled her in with as much information as he could.

She was tricky, I would give her that. Each time I thought I was closing in, she seemed to almost disappear. She had a knack of being elusive. Or was it a gift? I really hadn't paid any attention to her thoughts last spring, but I knew James liked to have her around. Perhaps this was why.

If this were true, I may never be able to catch her. I was fast, though, and if I could keep up my pace and concentration, it may just be possible. It would probably mean I would be gone much longer from my family, but in a way, I was quite pleased. I missed them, but with the way I was feeling, I didn't think they would want me around much. It would be better for them, and myself, if I were alone.

The next two days were a blur as I tracked her back and forth across Mexico. I remembered it was two days before Christmas, so I made myself take a break to call my family. They would be disappointed I wasn't going to join them, but I couldn't afford to stop the hunt now.

I switched my cell on, and I hoped it would be Carlisle to answer, and not Esme. I couldn't bear to hear the pain in her voice, when I told them I wasn't coming home for the holidays.

"Edward," Carlisle sighed with relief. "Son, how are you?"

"I'm good, Carlisle," I lied. The truth was, I wasn't good at all. I think I was steadily growing insane, but of course, I wouldn't relay that to my family. "How are you?"

"Better for hearing your voice," he replied.

"And the rest of the family?"

"They're good. Missing you, of course. Esme misses you desperately. Are you coming home for Christmas?"

I really didn't want to disappoint him, but I had no choice. "I'm sorry, no. I am so close to her, Carlisle. It would be foolish of me to lose her. And besides, I am in South Mexico. I wouldn't be back in time."

"I see," he replied, and although he stayed quiet, I could hear the discontent in hid voice.

"I'm truly sorry, Carlisle, but I have to do this. Please understand," I sighed.

"I do, Edward. I do. It's just that we miss you so. And Esme was hoping you would be coming home soon."

It pained me that I was hurting my adoptive mother so much, but I honestly believed it would hurt her more to see me the way I was now. A broken man. Or a broken creature, at least.

"You haven't told her why I've gone?" I asked, warily.

"Of course not. She would on worry all the more. I'll just tell her you are too far away to return at the moment."

"Thank you. Please let her know I will call her on Christams day."

"I will, son. Be safe."

"I will, Carlisle. I'll speak to you soon."

I hung up then, without another word. My actions had caused so much pain in all the people I cared for. I was a pathetic excuse for a man. If I could even call myself that. Monster would have been more appropriate. A disgusting, hurtful monster.

Switching my cell off, I started running again, my mind full of thoughts of my family. I had done them wrong by leaving, but it was a must. I would make it up to them in any way I could, when, and if, I returned. Hopefully I would be in a better frame of mind.

The next two days took me over the border of Mexico, and into Guatemala. Where was she heading? She was still weaving and spiraling, which meant I couldn't quite catch up to her. I was fast, but in a straight line. She seemed to know how to outrun me. I had to catch her quick, for at any moment, she could disappear into the Atlantic or Pacific seas, and she would be lost to me for good.

Christmas day, I took a short break to call my family. Esme cried, Emmett thought I was mad - he and Rosalie had returned for the holidays - Rosalie was ... well, Rosalie. Jasper was still blaming himself, but I never mentioned it. Carlisle was happy I had kept my word to Esme, though he had never doubted me. Alice was the last to speak to me.

"How have you been?" I asked her.

"Missing you, of course, but I have been busy. I've been doing some research on my past, and tracked down the asylum I was in. So, I went to Mississippi to try and find more information."

"How did that go?" I was genuinely intrigued.

"Well, my real name is Mary Alice Brandon. I had a little sister called Cynthia, and her daughter is still alive in Biloxi. I didn't find out much more about my parents, but at least I know I had a family back then," she sighed. "Even if they didn't want me."

"I'm sure they did, Alice. But, in those days it was harder for people to understand your gift. They wouldn't have known what to do for the best," I said, trying to comfort her.

"Yeah, I know. I try to tell myself that. Sometimes, I'm not convinced. But, hey, at least I know who I am and what happened to me. My creator just didn't run off and leave me undefen -" She paused, and I grew wary.

"Alice?" I asked, cautiously.

"It's nothing. I thought I saw ... something. But it disappeared," she whispered.

"What was it?" I was getting anxious.

"I'm not sure. It was just a flash. I didn't have time to grasp it."

"Is it the family? Was it ..." I trailed off, not wanting to say her name.

"No," she answered, knowing who I meant. "But ... I think ... you will go back."

"Oh," I said. I didn't know what else to add. I knew I was getting weaker in my resolve as the weeks past, but I also knew I was adament to stay away from her. To keep her safe.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It just popped in. I wasn't looking."

"I know, Alice. It's okay. But you already know my feelings on that subject."

Alice was quiet, and I waited patiently. I prayed her vision was nothing to do with Bella. When Alice spoke of her creator, she was going to say 'undefended'. Was that what I had done with Bella? Would she be in danger without me there? I was tracking the biggest threat to her now, but what about ...

"Alice?" I interrupted. "Where is Laurent? Can you see?"


	22. Chapter 22

I waited while she looked.

"He's back in Denali. As far as I can tell, he will be there for a while."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "What else did you see before I interrupted?" I asked.

"Oh, just that you are heading for Brazil."

"Is that where the red-head is going?" I asked.

"I think so. I'm not attuned to her, so I can't see a lot, but why else would you be going?"

"Well, I'm in Guatemala at the moment, so I guess that's a good place to head from here."

Alice chuckled a little. "Be careful, Edward. And come home soon."

"I don't think I will be there for a while, Alice," I said, solemnly. "I love you. Goodbye."

"Love you, too. Bye Edward."

I hated hurting my family, so I wasn't going to call for a while. If I let them be, they may get used to not having me around. It only made things harder if I kept frequent contact.

Bella entered my head again. _So there's no possibility now?_ she whispered.

"No, I won't come back to Forks and place you in danger again," I whispered back, closing my eyes.

_I'm betting on Alice,_ she mumbled back. Then she was gone. The wide rip in my heart ached for her. Could I really stay away? I wanted so badly to hold her in my arms again. But I couldn't. I had to stay strong. It was the only way to protect her.

Well, at least I knew where I was going. Brazil. I wondered what the red-head wanted in Brazil. I could head there without tracking her, maybe set an ambush. Then again, Alice hadn't said _where_ in Brazil. Probably best to keep following.

For the next week or two, I was tracking her into Brazil. I would have to start planning her capture. What would be best? Sneak up from behind? Circle around and meet her head-on? That may be the best way. She was wyly, after all. She could get away easier if I stayed behind her.

So that's what I did. I followed a more or less parallel course, making it grow slightly wider the closer to Brazil I got. I tried to stay close so I could follow the scent, as there were still no thoughts to concentrate on.

The red-head had stopped her spiraling a few days ago, and was headed in a straight path. Now would be the best time to overtake her, and get her head-on. It seemed her route was heading for Rio, and I would make it there before her. I was faster in a straight line.

So I overtook her, and positioned myself just outside of Rio, and waited. It wouldn't be long until she was here. A couple of hours at the most. So I went for a quick hunt, as I would need the sustenance for the fight ahead.

As I waited, my mind returned to Bella again. It was painful, extremely painful, but I smiled, knowing that I was at last doing the right thing. One way or another, this would be over soon.

_No, Edward. Don't! _ my vision of her whispered. She sounded anxious. I tried to reassure her.

"I'll be fine. It'll be over soon, and you won't have to worry any more."

_I love you_ she whispered.

I couldn't answer her. The agony would be too much to endure if I said the words. I smiled instead.

_"He got past me. What do i do now?"_

Who was that? It wasn't Bella's voice, and it didn't sound like Victoria, either. I got to my feet and chased after the thought.

I caught her and threw her to the ground. She turned to me, her eyes wide with horror.

"Please don't hurt me," she begged. It was a red-head, but not Victoria. What was this? A deception? She smelled like Victoria. I inhaled again. The scent was wrong. She had Victoria's scent, and her own.

"Who the hell are you?" I growled.

"Look man. This loner just paid me to wear her clothes, and have you follow me," she hissed.

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! She had fooled me. Where? When she doubled back at Denton? I cursed myself for being so stupid.

"Where? What did she say?" I demanded.

She wasn't going to answer, so I took a step back, willing her to speak. She scrambled to her feet.

"Back in Denton," she confirmed. "Look, all she told me was, that this was a game the two of you liked to play. She told me to keep my mind blank because you could sense things. She told me not to keep a straight path because you were fast. I swear she told me it was a game. She never mentioned that you were _hunting_ her."

I hissed. Laurent had obviously filled her in more than I thought. The child in front of me was young, and I searched her mind as she spoke. She was speaking the truth.

"Just go," I said to her, and she scrambled away.

"Thanks," she called back as she fled.

What the hell was I going to do now? Victoria could be on the other side of the world, for all I knew. Why hadn't Alice seen? She must have been right about her not being attuned to Victoria. But she was to Bella. So at least i knew she was safe. Alice would definately see if she were in danger.

I walked through the night into Rio, and rented a dingy room. I put my cell on charge and didn't even change my clothes.

I had to speak to Alice. I had to tell my family that I now wished to be alone. I dialled her number.

"Hey, Edward. How's things going?" she asked.

I sighed. I really didn't want to mention my failure, but I had to, to get my point across.

"Not good, Alice. I lost her. I would like for you to do something for me."

"Anything," she replied.

"Would you please ask the family not to contact me, unless it's an absolute emergency?"

"But why, Edward?"

"I need to be alone, Alice. Completely alone. I have failed in my mission, now there is nothing more I can do. I just need some time. I don't want any distractions while I try to sort myself out."

I sighed again. Alice was quiet, and I waited.

"Okay, Edward. But you do know how much this will upset Esme and Carlisle?"

"I know, Alice. But I need the time. Please," I begged her. I didn't want to hurt any of them, that was why I was doing this. They shouldn't see me like this. That would be worse than not seeing me at all.

"Edward, why don't you just go back? Being this miserable can't be the right thing," she said, softly.

"I'm not going back, Alice. No matter how miserable I am. I would be a thousand times more miserable if I went back and something happened to her. You won't persuade me otherwise." I tried to keep my tone firm. "And I need for you to promise me you will stay away from her, too."

"Why? You are not the only one that misses her, you know," she almost hissed at me.

"Please, Alice. I will be back with the family at some point, and the last thing I need to see are memories."

"Fine. As you wish." She was angry, but at least she agreed.

"Thank you," I sighed. "And please tell them I don't wish to hurt them."

"Okay. Take care of yourself, Edward."

"I will. Goodbye, Alice."

I hung up and walked to the small window in my room. I stared out into the black night. Her face intruded in my sight, and I let her. If this was going to be my life now, I would allow her vision to be with me. It was the best I could have. I crumpled to the floor, and finally let the waves of pain have their way with me.

She was the light in my existence. She was the moonlight in my darkest night, but now the moon was dark. The light had been swallowed by a massive black hole, and now that hole was devouring me, also. I let it. Game over.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N This next chapter contain stephenie meyers of the phone, and it was just too good not to include it. **

**As always, I do not own twilight**

I didn't know how long I had sat on the floor. It could have been days or weeks. I could check my cell, but I honestly wasn't interested. I wasn't keeping track of night and day either. My life was a constant moonless night, now that she was gone from me.

Her face was etched behind my closed eyelids, but she no longer spoke to me. How I missed her soft voice. I was trying hard to stay where I was, but my resolve was melting away, quicker than before.

I was toying with the idea of returning to her, begging her to take me back. I couldn't live without her. I _needed_ her, and being as selfish as I was, my need for her was overriding every other thought I was capable of.

I was hesitant, though. What if she had moved on, like I hoped she would? I could always ask Alice if she could see, but I didn't think I could hear the answer if she had. It would be unbearable, but I would wait. Human feelings change, and I would be waiting in the wings when that happened. I _could_ wait. I think.

If she had half the love I had for her, then maybe I wouldn't be too late. Maybe she hasn't moved on yet. But what if what I had done, had caused her so much pain and unhappiness. Would she ever forgive me?

"What have I done?" I groaned, yet again, to the empty, dark room. She had believed me so readily when I said I didn't want her. Would I be able to convince her otherwise, all these months later? I would do everything in my power , to make her see that I _did_ want her. I _did_ need her. I _did_ love her. Forever.

Then again, if she had moved on, would my return only upset the applecart? Would she hate me now? I couldn't bear that, if she hated me. My mind wavered again. What to do. What to do. I knew I just couldn't waltz back into her life as if nothing had happened, I would have a lot of making up to do. If she would have me. And if she didn't, well, I would be lost forever.

My whole being ached for her. Ached to the point that I thought my stone form would crumble to dust. I was struggling more and more now. Every second was excrutiating. I had to return. I could no longer do this. Even if she didn't want me, maybe we could be friends. Then I could remain in her life. That would be better than nothing.

I couldn't decide. Every time I thought I was doing the right thing, it hurt someone. My mind was so confused. It didn't help that I hadn't hunted for a while. I just had no appetite. The 'food' would help, I knew that, but I couldn't face it.

My cell buzzed in my pocket, but I ignored it. It could be an emergency, I thought, so I hooked it out and flipped it open. It was only Rosalie, so I didn't call back. She was probably bored, and wanted to annoy me for fun. I wasn't in a fun mood. If she started her nonsense, I would only want to rip her throat out.

The phone call had snapped me out of my frozen position, and I decided to hunt after all. It would make my mind clearer, and help me to choose the right direction to take.

I didn't hunt for long, no more than anhour, before heading back to my room. My cell buzzed again, but I didn't answer. It was Rosalie again, and I couldn't stand her annoyance. She could be so childish at times. Tantrums and teasing like a spoilt four year old.

I sat back on the floor in the corner, and started thinking of what to do. I sat that way for hours, with my cell buzzing, and me ignoring it. I didn't want to be interrupted until my thoughts were sorted.

With my mind a little clearer after feeding, I knew I couldn't go back. My torture was nothing compared to her happiness, and she would be happy, once again. She deserved so much better than I could offer her.

She should be able to smile, free from fear and danger. When she left this world, she would go to the place that was forever barred to me, no matter how I conducted myself here.

The idea of that final seperation was so much more intense than the pain I was in now. My body shook with it. When she moved on to that place, I would not linger behind. I had promised her I wouldn't return, and I would not go back on my word.

The phone vibrated again. It was the twenty-fifth time in twenty-four hours.

"Damn it," I growled.

Maybe there was something wrong when she was so desperate to get me. I answered it.

"What?" I asked tensely.

"Oh, wow. Edward answered the phone. I feel so honoured."

As soon as I heard her tone, I knew my family was fine. She must just be bored. It was hard to guess her motives without her thoughts as a guide. Rosalie had never made much sense to me. Her impulses were usually founded on the most convoluted kinds of logic.

I snapped the phone shut.

"Leave me alone," I whispered to the empty room.

Of course, the phone vibrated again at once.

Would she keep calling until she had passed along whatever message she was going to annoy me with? Probably. It would take months for her to grow tired of this game. I toyed with the idea of letting her hit redial for the next half year ... and then sighed and answered again.

"Get on with it," I snarled.

Rosalie rushed through her words. "I thought you would want to know that Alice is in Forks."

I opened my eyes, and stared at the rotten wooden floor.

"What?" My voice was flat, emotionless.

"You know how Alice is - thinks she knows everything. Like you." Rosalie chuckled humourlessly. Her voice had a nervous edge, like she was suddenly unsure about what she was doing.

But my rage made it hard to care what Rosalie's problem was.

Alice had sworn to me that she would follow my lead in regards to Bella, though she did not agree with my decision. She'd promised me she would let Bella alone ... for as long as I did. Clearly, she'd thought I would eventually fold to the pain. Maybe she was right about that.

But I hadn't. Yet. So what was she doing in Forks? I wanted to wring her skinny neck. Not that Jasper would let me get that close to her, once he caught a whiff of the fury blowing out of me ...

"Are you still there, Edward?"

I didn't answer. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingertips, wondering if it was possible for a vampire to get a migraine.

On the other hand, if Alice had already gone back ...

No. No. No. No.

I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life. I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life.

I repeated the words like a mantra, trying to clear my head of the seductive image of Bella's dark window. The doorway to my only sanctuary.

No doubt I would have to grovel, were I to return. I didn't mind that. I could happily spend the next decade on my knees, if I were with her.

No. No. No.

"Edward? Don't you even care why Alice is there?"

"Not particularly."

Rosalie's voice turned a trifle smug now, pleased, no doubt, that she'd forced a response from me. "Well, of course, she's not exactly breaking the rules. I mean, you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter."

I blinked my eyes, slowly. Bella had left? My thoughts circled around the unexpected idea. She hadn't graduated yet, so she must have returned to her mother. That was good. She should live in sunshine. It was good that she had managed to put the shadows behind her.

I tried to swallow, and couldn't.

Rosalie trilled a nervous laugh. "So you don't need to be angry with Alice."

"Then why did you call me, Rosalie, if not to get Alice into trouble? Why are you bothering me? Ugh!"

"Wait!" she said, sensing, rightly, that I was about to hang up again. "That's not why I called."

"Then why? Tell me quickly, and then _leave me alone._"

"Well .." she hesitated.

"Spit it out, Rosalie. You have ten seconds."

"I think you should come home," Rosalie said in a rush. "I'm tired of Esme grieving and Carlisle never laughing. You should feel ashamed at what you have done to them. Emmett misses you all the time and it's getting on my nerves. You have a family. Grow up and think about something besides yourself."

"Interesting advice, Rosalie. Let me tell you a little story about a pot and a kettle ..."

"I _am_ thinking about them, unlike you. Don't you care how much you've hurt Esme, if no one else? She loves you more than the rest of us, and you know that. Come home."

I didn't answer.

"I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished, you would get over it."

"Forks was never the problem, Rosalie," I said, trying to be patient. What she'd said about Esme and Carlisle had struck a chord. "Just because Bella" - it was hard to say her name out loud - " has moved to Florida, it doesn't mean that I am able ... Look, Rosalie. I really am sorry, but, trust me, it wouldn't make anyone any happier if I were there."

"Um ..."

There it was. That nervous hesitation again.

"What is it that you're not telling me, Rosalie? Is Esme alright? Is Carlisle -"

"They're fine. It's just ... well I didn't say that Bella _moved_."

I didn't speak. I ran over our conversation in my head. Yes, Rosalie _had_ said that Bella had moved. She'd said ... _you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter. _And then : _I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished ..._ So Bella wasn't in Forks. What did she mean, Bella hadn't moved?

Then Rosalie was rushing through her words again, saying them almost angrily this time.

"They didn't want to tell you, but I think that's stupid. The quicker you get over this, the sooner things can go back to normal. Why let you mope around the dark corners of the world when ther's no need for it? You can come home now. We can be a family again. It's over."

My mind seemed to be broken. I couldn't make sense of her words. It was like there was something very, very obvious she was telling me, but I had no idea what it was. My brain played with the information, making strange patterns of it, nonsensical.

"Edward?"

"I don't understand what you are saying, Rosalie."

A long pause, the length of a few human heartbeats.

"She's dead, Edward."

A longer pause.

"I'm ... sorry. You have a right to know, though, I think. Bella ... threw herself off a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything. I think she would have helped, though, broken her word, if there had been time. She went back to see what she could do for Charlie. You know how she's always cared for him -"

The phone went dead. It took me a few seconds to realise that I'd shut the power off.

I sat in the dusty darkness for a long, frozen age. It was like time had ended. Like the universe had stopped.

Slowly, moving like an old man, I turned my phone on again, and dialled the one number I'd promised myself I would never call again.

If it was her, I'd hang up. If it was Charlie, I'd get the information I needed through subterfuge. I'd prove Rosalie's sick little joke wrong, and then go back to my nothingness.

"Swan residence," answered a voice I'd never heard before. A man's husky voice, deep, but still youthful.

I didn't pause to think about the implications of that.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said, perfectly imitating my father's voice. "May I please speak to Charlie?"

"He's not here," the voice responded, and I was surprised by the anger in it. The words were almost a snarl. But that didn't matter.

"Well, where is he then?" I demanded, getting impatient.

There was a short pause, as if the stranger wanted to withhold the information from me.

"He's at the funeral," the boy finally answered.

I shut the phone again.


	24. Chapter 24

My whole body was numb, like I'd had a large shot of anaesthetic. But it didn't numb the pain in my dead heart. It felt as if it were disintegrating into a million tiny pieces, with an unalterable finality. Why had she done this? She promised she would stay safe. Nothing reckless.

No. Alice must have gotten it wrong. An accident, surely. Bella wouldn't jump deliberately. She must have fallen. But why was she on the cliff alone? It didn't make any sense, but the boy that had answered the phone had confirmed it. She was gone. My Bella was lost to me forever.

I stood, frozen, in the deathly silence of the room. No noise, but one. A squealing, clattering noise. I realised it was me. My body was shaking so violently at the news I had just recieved. In that moment, I wished I could shake myself apart. Shake enough to turn myself to dust.

I had wanted her to move on, but not to a place where I could not follow. I hadn't meant for her to move on _this _way. I had wanted her to live, but I had tortured her as much as I had tortured myself by leaving. Everything I thought I had done for the best, was all in vain. It was meaningless. The moonless night of my existence, now became a black, empty void, now she no longer existed.

Alice was right. I should have listened to her. She told me it wouldn't turn out the way I hoped. She had told me to change my mind and go back. I almost had, on more than several occassions. But the stupid notion that Bella would be safer without me around, turned out to be the worst and blackest mistake I had ever made.

Distractions. Alice had said Bella would need as many distractions as I would, but I didn't believe that. Bella was human, and her feelings could never run as deep as mine. She shouldn't have needed any distractions. Just a little time. Apparently, I was wrong on that score, too.

The thought that Bella could love me as much as I loved her, brought on another fit of puverising shaking. The whole room seemed to reverberate with me. She couldn't possibly. Humans weren't capable of holding such feelings. It would destroy them.

But, it had. It had destroyed her. I had left to save her, but my actions only broke her. And myself. Now there was no possibility of ever repairing our two beings. Why hadn't I gone back? I was heading back. My will had crumbled that much, I was going back. Now I couldn't. It was too late. The light of my life had been snuffed out like a candle. And I was the one that blew that candle out.

There were no words for all the emotions that were flitting through me. Guilt, grief, pain, remorse, anger, and a thousand more, pulsed through to my very core. I thought I would explode from the hefty weight of them all.

My head had found it's way into my hands, and I was shaking it back and forth. I couldn't tell if it was voluntary, or due to my body still shaking.

I tried to summon Bella's image, to ask her why. She wouldn't appear. Was that lost to me too, since her demise? I tried and tried to picture her face, to hear her voice, but to no avail.

My phone continuously vibrated in my hand. No doubt Rosalie was frightened now. Damn her. Damn Bella for destroying her life. And damn me for making her do so. My wretched eyes wouldn't release the tears as my sobs ripped through me. I damned them, also, to the blackest depths of hell, and I would meet them there, soon.

I couldn't follow Bella to the place she had gone to, the place she deserved to be. I was a souless monster, that was forever prohibited from stepping foot into the paradise that she was certainly in. Carlisle always thought there was hope for us. That was all I had left. An ounce of hope that I would be able to meet up with her again.

I would leave this world hoping she would be there to greet me, because I couldn't survive knowing that she no longer existed. I would have to find a way, and I knew I would have to go to Italy to do it. I hoped they would be as merciful as I had heard them to be, and grant me my wish.

I thought of my family and knew it would devastate them. But they would survive. They had each other for comfort, and I was alone. I was the spare wheel in my family, and they would be better off without me.

I knew that Alice would see my decision, and I knew they would try to stop me. I wouldn't allow them to. I had tortured myself for long enough, and I longed for oblivion. If I wasn't allowed to follow Bella, then oblivion was my best option. No more feeling of excrutiating pain, no numbness, no nothing. That sounded very welcoming ...

I pictured my adoring, adoptive mother's face, twisted in torment, as Alice told them my plan. That, too, was excrutiating for me, but nothing close to what I was feeling now. Bella had been my life, my everything, and not wanting to take her life, I left, unknowing I would take it anyway.

Another wave of torturous agony rippled through my body. I had to move, but my legs wouldn't hold me. They were still shaking ferociously. I slumped back down on the floorboards.

My phone was constantly vibrating, but I wasn't sure if it was, or wheither it was my jarring trembling. I thought my stone core was crumbling to sand, it had shook so much. I had to control my quaking shudders, so I could move again. There was a lot to do. I had to get flights, make my way to the city, and hope that they would have an audience with me.

I slowly got onto my knees, and the most absurd feeling of nausea swept through me. It felt like I had eaten my fill of human food, and I was ready to choke it back up. I sat where I was for a few seconds, waiting for it to pass. It didn't, though. It was another feeling to add to my ever increasing list, that was mentally, and physically, coursing through my frozen system.

The monster inside cursed me for not taking her life the way he wanted in the begining, and I cursed myself for letting him rear his ugly head again. I had tormented and hurt everyone I had ever loved, and I deserved the hell I was destined to dwell in.

If only I could end it myself, now. No more waiting. But I had to. I had to wait until I got to Italy before I found my end. An end that was inevitable, no matter who tried to stop me.

I finally managed to get to my feet, though I was still juddering. I had to take small, slow, deliberate steps, to stop me falling flat on my face. I had to keep mobile, or I knew I would never be able to gain my composure, and I would lay in this room, unmoving, unthinking and trembling for the rest of eternity. That would not do. I couldn't endure this emptiness any longer. My whole being was just a shell. Hollow and empty. Not an ounce of self-preservation remained. It had to end.


	25. Chapter 25

I walked out onto the street, and turned left, heading north for the airport. I had no idea what I looked like, but by the expressions on the humans that I passed, I must have looked like a dead man walking. That was exactly what I was.

The more I walked, the more my shaking subsided, and I realised it _was_ my cell vibrating, as it had buzzed again. I took it from my pocket, and dropped it in a nearby trash can. I have no idea why, I could have crushed it in my hand to stop the relentless buzz.

It didn't really help, for my body was still buzzing with the last of the vibrations of my violent shaking. But I had to get rid of the cell, because they would try to stop me. My family. My family who had loved me no matter what I had done, and they would love me still, even after I had destroyed them with my passing.

It wasn't good to think of them, because it brought on another fit of shuddering jolts. I had to slip into an alleyway and hide behind a dumpster to calm down. If I hadn't, I was sure someone would have called a paramedic or a local asylum.

I tried to take a few deep breaths, but my breathing was ragged, little rasps. It went in and out in tiny, sobbing gasps. I must have looked like a mad man, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore but my new quest to get to Italy. They would have to help me, and if they didn't, I would have to provoke them to get what I wanted.

My mind was completely set now, and it gave me a little more strength to get going again. My reason for being ceased to be, and soon, I would cease to be.

I got to the airport, and I had to fly to New York first, as there were no direct flights until the next evening. I couldn't wait that long. I asked the girl at the check-in if she could phone ahead and book onto the connecting flight to Florence. I couldn't be bothered with such mundane tasks such as booking the flight myself. And, by her expression, she knew that, too.

_Poor guy,_ she thought. _He looks rough. More than rough. He looks, well, like he's dying. If I didn't know better, I would say he already was._

She had no idea how I wished that were true. I closed my eyes, and thanked her for her help.

"No problem," she answered. "Anything I can do to help." Her voice was sincere.

I nodded, and tried to give her a faint smile.

_Poor guy,_ she thought again, as I walked off.

I was lucky with my timing. I could board straight away, but I would have an hour to wait for my connecting flight. Waiting seemed like an impossibility now, but it had to be done. Whenever I had been alone, I was content enough. Not now. Now I was more alone than I had ever been. Now I couldn't even muster up Bella's voice to keep me company, and I didn't care for the sound of being alone.

I got to New York, and began to wait for my connection. It was the early hours of the morning, and the airport was fairly quiet. I was glad. The humans that were there gave me a wide berth. I sat in silence watching the clock. Even my mind was silent. I had managed to block out the thoughts of the other commuters, but not before I caught the tenor of a couple who were meeting up after months apart.

It was torture to listen to. Sickly. I blocked them as soon as I could, and sat with my head between my knees, trying to force my body to be still. Another fit of shaking would not do in here. I was sure I looked mad enough, without the shaking confirming it.

The time dragged by, as I tried to force my mind to see Bella's face again. Still she wouldn't appear. It was as if she never existed at all. I couldn't even summon any memories of the small, magical amount of time we had together. That was painful, knowing I wouldn't be able to look at her beauty at the end.

At last the plane boarded. Another half day and I would be there, begging, if I had to, for them to grant my request. And if God was feeling especially compassionate, he may allow me eternal peace with my Bella.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Hi everyone. I just wanted to say thanks to those who have followed, and made me one of their favourites. I really appreciate that. But, you know what I would appreciate more? Reviews! So please review, it doesn't take long. Thank you so much. I hope you are enjoing my story.**

**As always, I do not own twilight.**

**Chapter 26.**

After what seemed like an eternally long haul, the plane touched down in Florence. It wouldn't be long now, so I had to keep my patience levels up as much as possible. The sunshine was brilliant outside of the airport, but I wouldn't walk into it. If I had any chance whatsoever to meet Bella again, then I would do this right. I will not expose myself here.

I waited under the overhang at the entrance for a cab. While I waited, I wondered what they were like. I had seen them in Carlisle's memories and paintings, but I had never met them in person, and I had never been in Volterra.

A cab pulled up, and I got in.

"Volterra, per favore," I said in a hushed voice.

"Volterra?" he replied. "Si tratta di un lungo cammino," he said, looking me up and down.

Yes, I knew it was a long way, and no doubt he was wondering if I could afford the fare. I hadn't changed for weeks, and my clothes were rather tatty, to say the least.

I told him I needed to get there. I threw him all the cash I had. A couple hundred Euros, and a few hundred Dollars. I wouldn't need it anymore.

"Matenere il cambiamento," I told him, and his eyes bugged wide.

"Si, si. Grazie, grazie," he said, amazed that I had told him to keep the change.

He wondered to himself how a scruffy guy like me had acquired so much cash, but his thoughts didn't lead to anywhere too speculative. I blocked him from my mind.

I paid no attention to the beautiful Tuscan landscape as we drove through it. My mind was dwelling on what lay ahead. I did notice the sun was starting to set, and that would make it easier to walk through the city.

I didn't worry about who I would be meeting because, through Carlisle's memories and stories, I would recognise them all. ( unless there had been some new additions since Carlisle.) No doubt The Guard would be my first port of call. I would not be allowed to meet the Elders until I had been scrutinised by them first.

I remembered ( through Carlisle's memories ) the most immediate of the guard. Jane and Alec - They were the offensive of the guard. They were twins, and very old, with millenia of experience behind them. Jane could have you writhing in agony, burning you with her mind. Apparently, she was quite sadistic with her gift. I was sure she would one of those that destroyed me. She wouldn't pass on an opportunity of torture.

Alec was the antidote of Jane. His gift would leave you totally senseless and numb. He could blind you and make you feel no pain. If the Volturi were feeling generous, they would use Alec to numb the wrongdoer, before they struck him down. I wondered, briefly, if they would show me that courtesy. I supposed that would depend on them agreeing to my wish, or if I had to expose us.

Both Jane and Alec were small vampires, but they were the most important of the guard. The Volturi would never go anywhere without them by their side.

Then there was Renata. She was Aro's personal bodyguard. She had a gift that could protect him from physical attacks. She could repel them with her mind. She needed contact for her gift to work, so she was always by his side. She would also protect Caius and Marcus, if needed.

The next two in line were, Demetri and Felix. They were fighters. Strong. Demetri was an average sized vampire, but he also had a gift. He could track anyone, from any distant, with nothing but the tenor of their mind. No matter how far they run, or how well they thought they were hidden, he could find them. He was probably the best tracker in the world.

Felix had no discernable gift as such, but he was extremely strong and powerful. He had centuries of fighting experience, which made him a formidable foe. He could anticipate any move his enemy was making, and he would block them. The Volturi were so amazed by his combat skills, they made him a permanent member of the guard.

If they refused my request, and I had to expose myself, I was sure Felix would be the one to deal my fate.

We were almost at the city, and I asked the driver to stop just before it. I needed a small amount of time to figure out how best to ask them. The walk into the city would provide me with that time. I had to ask them with the respect they were due.

I also had to make sure they knew that my family knew nothing of this. They were not to be implicated and I would make them aware that there were to be no repercutions for my family. They would suffer enough, without inflicting the Volturi on them.

Aro had a gift much like my own, but he had to be in contact with someone before he could read their mind. He couldn't read many minds like me, just that one persons mind that he was in contact with. Unlike me, he could also read every thought and memory that person ever had. I could only read what was passing through the mind at the time. So, if he asked, I would let him into my mind to make him see my family were innocent, and hopefully keep them safe.

Carlisle had been a good friend to them for many years, so I hoped that would be in his favour. They didn't have a close bond, but Carlisle had been in their service for a long time. That had to count for something. Surely they would leave my family in peace because of that.

As I walked through the city, it was still busy. The sun had already set, and it was still bustling. I was confused until I realised what the date might be. It must be the eighteenth. The eve of St. Marcus day. All the streets were being prepared for the festivities the next day.

St. Marcus day was a celebration the city held every year. It was said that a Christian Missionary drove all the vampires from Volterra, fifteen hundred years ago. Father Marcus was his name, and it was actually Marcus of the Volturi. They claimed he was martyred in Romania, but that's untrue, as Marcus never left the city.

So, if they took until the following day to decide on my fate, and if they refused, the festival may turn out to be an advantage. The city would be packed to capacity, so there would be ample witnesses to my exposure.

I hoped they would agree to destroy me, though, as I didn't want to disappoint my family. It would devastate them regardless, but Carlisle was a firm believer in the Volturi rule. Exposure would be another dissatisfaction that I could hopefully avoid, and make my decision a little easier for him to understand.

As I drew nearer to their dwelling place, I could see cloaked figures in the shadows. No doubt they were overseeing the preperations for the festival the next day. I caught the tenor of a few of their minds, and a few low hisses, too.

_A stranger of our kind, _one thought. _Approaching our castle. What could he want?_

I walked over, and stood in front of him. His cloak was a light grey colour, so he must have been one of the lesser guards. The closer to the elders the guards were, the darker their cloaks were. None were ever black, though. The elders were the sole bearers of midnight black cloaks.

I looked him squarely in the eyes. "I need to speak with your masters at once," I demanded.

He looked me up and down, and thought, _This wretch _demands_ of the Volturi? Pah!_

I glowered at him, but he took no notice. He was arrogant in the fact that he belonged in the guard. He thought he was invincible. Well, he wasn't. He would find that out soon enough, if he didn't pass on my request.

"The masters do not grant audiences with strangers," he growled. "Unless they have a prior appointment. And I can see by your attire, that you do not." _Disrespectful wretch,_ he added, mentally.

I sighed. I had no time for this. "Please tell your masters Edward _Cullen_ would appreciate it, if they granted me a pass to speak with them."

My name caught his attention. _A Cullen? I have heard the stories of the Cullen that resided here, years ago. Aren't they supposed to be the largest coven? Well, besides ours. Aro may be interested in seeing him. He may even grant me favour, if I relayed the message myself, _he thought.

"Wait here," he hissed. "I will pass on your request, and will return with their answer."

He strolled off down an alleyway, and I was left in the plaza. I couldn't hear any thoughts from inside the building, but I didn't think he would be long to return.


	27. Chapter 27

The same guard didn't return. Instead, Demetri walked through the alley, flanked by Felix. There were no thoughts emenating from them, but Felix had a smug look on his face. They stopped in front of me, and it was Demetri that spoke first.

"My masters have agreed to your request. Aro is particularly interested as to why you are here. Please, follow me."

As they turned, they passed a swift glance at one and other, and I followed them down the alley.

Felix uttered a small, quiet chuckle to himself, and Demetri shot him a glare.

_Poor Nick,_ Felix thought, still chuckling in his head. _Aro was very upset. Ah well. At least I got some fun with him._

Apparently, Aro was disgusted with the guard called Nick, for his lack of initiative. He should have taken me straight to Aro, without having to ask first, and Felix had enjoyed the outcome of that conversation.

"That isn't very nice, you know," I growled.

Felix stopped dead in his tracks, and whirled around, his face full of suspicion and confusion.

"What do you mean?" he snarled.

"Making fun of the dead," I hissed.

_How the _hell_ did he know that? _he screamed in his head. "I don't know what you mean," he growled aloud.

"Oh, I think you do," I retorted.

There was a low grumbling coming from Felix's chest, now, and Demetri intervened.

"Gentlemen, please. Aro wishes to see him straight away," he warned Felix.

Felix nodded, and turned around, begining to walk again. He still seemed perplexed, wondering how I knew. Demetri caught up instantly, though.

_Aro will be more than interested in this creature now, _he thought. _A mind reader. And without contact!_

He shook his head a little, and I could sense the small grin on his face.

Felix kept glaring back at me over his shoulder, and I guessed he was now on the same page, as his mind went blank.

The alley narrowed, and started to descend slightly. A small curve led to a dead end. I knew where I was going, as I had seen it many times in Carlisle's memories, and even his spoken stories held the tiniest detail, and I knew any of my family would have known their way.

We reached the wall, and Felix was the first to fall through an opening like a grate. Demetri gestured for me to follow, and I swiftly stepped into the hole. The path from there, continued to slant downward, taking us deeper underground.

At the end of the tunnel was a large, thick wooden door. It took us into a small, brightly lit hallway. At the end of this, was an elevator. The elevator ride was short, but it took us upward again.

The doors opened onto a large, wood-paneled reception room. There were no windows in the room, but there were plenty of lights mounted above the many paintings that adorned the walls. We didn't linger there, though, as they marched me down another hall.

Instead of heading down to the doors, we stopped halfway, and Demetri slid a wooden panel in the wall, revealing another door. It led into a small antechamber, which led into a very large, circular room. I assumed we were in the turret.

In the centre of the room, sat the elders on their large, wooden thrones. Regal-like. They were dressed in their formal attire, their long, black cloaks spread out around their feet. I could see Jane and Alec, standing a few feet away from them. Renata, Aro's bodyguard, stood just to the right of him.

"Edward," Aro greeted me like an old friend. "Welcome to our city." He stood and glided toward me, smiling. Renata was at his back, instantly. "Tell me, how is my old friend Carlisle? It seems an age since I saw him last."

"I am sure Carlisle is just fine," I said, bowing my head a little in respect. "I have not seen him these past few months. I have been ... traveling alone."

_Alone? _he pondered to himself. _Has he left his coven, then?_

I didn't answer. I just wanted the preliminaries out of the way.

"I do hope there has been no disagreement between Carlisle and yourself. And your coven, of course. It would dishearten me to know that Carlisle has lost a member." There was a tone of genuine sincerity when he spke of Carlisle.

"No," I replied. "I haven't fallen out with my family."

_Family!_ Caius scoffed mentally. _Do they think they are human? Has too much time living among humans, drove them insane?_

"No, Caius. But we _are_ a family," I almost snarled at him.

All three of the elder's eyes grew wide, as I answered an unheard thought.

"What was that?" Caius growled, getting to his feet.

Aro held up a hand to him. "Peace, brother. It appears Edward may have an intriguing gift," he said, understanding dawning on his face.

Aro reached for Caius, to read from him what had just passed.

"Ah," he said, nodding slightly. "A very talented gift. And, brother, do we not call ourselves a family? Are we not more family than coven?"

"But ..." Caius began, but Aro hushed him.

Aro walked closer to me, no doubt wanting to see for himself exactly what I could do. He stopped a little short, though.

"So, Edward. What brings you to Volterra?"

"I have a request. A wish, if you'd rather. And only you can grant it for me."

_Interesting_, he thought, as he glided to me. He held his hand out to me. "May I see for myself?" he asked, more eager to see what I could do, rather than my request.

I held my hand out to him, and he smiled. He almost ripped my hand from my arm in his eagerness. My head bowed, involuntarily, as my memories were replayed to me through Aro's mind. I thought I would collapse at the weight of them.

The replays were my entire life. When I was human, when Carlisle created me, my rebellious years ( which Aro actually chuckled at ), Forks, the first day I met Bella, and every single day and night spent with, and without her, until now. He knew everything. Everything about me and my family.

He let my hand go, and took a small, staggering step back. His gift was more powerful than I thought. Not only could he see every memory and thought, he could also feel every emotion relating to the thoughts and memories, as if living them himself.

"Well," he said. "That was extremely ... prodigious."

"What is it?" Caius barked, impatient.

"Patience, brother. All will be told. We have something great to ponder over," Aro said, with a sickly sweet voice.

His eyes were sparkling, and I suddenly didn't trust him. He was careful with his thoughts, though. I couldn't see what was on his mind.

"Young Edward here, has a dilemma which requires our help to correct. Now, Edward. If you don't mind, my brothers and I shall discuss this matter in private. There is a lot to debate."

I caught a fleeting glimpse of Alice in his mind, and I groaned.

"Fear not, young one," he said calmly. "We will deliberate cautiously. Demetri?"

Demetri walked over. "Yes, master?"

"Please escort Edward to the reception room, while we cogitate over this unusual situation."

Demetri nodded, and gestured for me to leave the room. I caught a few more thoughts before I left.

_Interesting. Such talent! Both of them. What an exciting and extremely useful addition they would be._

I heard no more as I reached the reception.

"I will return for you when they are done," Demetri said, and then left.

Aro's last thought rung through my mind. He was intrigued by Alice's gift. I groaned. What if they didn't grant my wish? No doubt I would be asked to join them. I wouldn't, of course, but he could sense the bond between Alice and I, through my memories. He wanted her, and if he had me, he thought she would join, too. No, no, no. Not ever! Once I was gone, they would have no hope of having any of my family. I knew Alice would see, and they would be safe. But he did want Alice. Desperately.


	28. Chapter 28

They deliberated for hours. It was an excrutiating wait. It made it worse that I couldn't hear them. I didn't know their minds well enough to catch anything behind the thick, stone walls, and long corridors.

I wanted this over as quickly as possible. I knew there would be no come backs for my family, as Aro had seen they knew nothing in my mind. The only thing that worried me, was Alice, but I knew the bonds between my family were unbreakable, and with Alice's forsight, I knew Aro wouldn't get to them.

I think I must have spent most of the night in the reception room. Time passed so slowly. I couldn't stay still. I paced around the large, mahogany table in the middle of the room. Once again, I tried to summon Bella's face. Once again, she didn't appear.

I began to grow desperate. If I couldn't see her now, how was I supposed to picture her at the end? It was the last thing I wished to see in this world. Nothing else mattered, now. I tried and tried. Even my memories escaped me. I was so frustrated, I almost smashed through the table, but Demetri appeared and interrupted me.

"They are ready for you," he said, eyeing my fist, that was still held in mid air. I dropped it at once. I followed behind him to the room we had convened before. When I entered, they were sitting in their thrones, their minds silent. They weren't giving me any clues to their decision.

"Come forward, Edward," Aro said in his silky voice.

I walked across the circular floor, praying their answer would be yes. Marcus, as before, was still and silent. Caius had a small glint in his eyes. It didn't seem very favourable for me.

"You've made your decision?" I asked.

"Yes, Edward. We have. But before we give it, we would like to discuss something else with you," Aro almost sung.

I didn't answer. I stood still, looking at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I discussed everything about your quandry with my brothers, meticulously. They, too, were very surprised by the gifts they heard about. We wondered about Alice's gift. It was very intriguing to see what she could do, through your mind, and we wondered if she had ever been wrong?"

I glowered. Where was this going?

"To my knowledge, no. I, and my family, trust her expliciely," I said.

"I see," said Aro. "We were just wondering if it could be a mistake. I mean, it is your life we are dealing with here."

My mind went back to the time that Alice had seen Bella in one of her visions. Bella with snow white skin and blood red eyes. I had wanted her to be wrong then, and I wanted her to be wrong now. But I knew, deep down, that it was true.

"No, Aro," I whispered. "There is no mistake."

"Well, we know that no one is perfect. We each have our flaws, and therefore, we have a question for you first. We wondered if you would consider joining us?"

I knew he wanted me, but I knew he wanted Alice more. One way of achieving this, would be for me to join their force, and for me to persuade Alice. That would never happen. I tried to sound grateful when I answered.

"Thank you, Aro. Your offer is most appreciated. It would be an honour to join you. However, as you have seen, there is only one thing I want. One thing that truly matters to me."

"Ah, such a shame. Your gift would have been most useful to us. Therefore," he continued, as he stood, "we have decided we cannot grant your request. It would be such a ... a waste ... if we were to destroy you. With time, you may be consoled of your grief, and may reconsider our offer. And we will be happy to wait, and happier to embrace you as one of our own."

My mind raced. They refused. Anger started to build, and I almost growled my next words.

"That will never happen, Aro. I will find a way to my end."

"Not without cause," Marcus stated in a whispy voice. It was the first time I had heard him speak, and he seemed totally detatched. Uninterested.

I could hear Felix's mental snicker of anticipation. He waited quietly in the wings for me to make my move. I could also hear that Aro had warned him if I started anything inside, I was not to be destroyed. I was to be taken to Chelsea, who would bond me to the Volturi.

Chelsea had a gift of being able to bond us together, wheither we wanted to or not. She could make that bond virtually unbreakable. She could also sever ties just as effectively.

"Yes," Aro agreed. "Not without cause."

"I will find a way," I hissed, and turned to leave.

"One more thing, Edward," Aro called after me.

I stood in the middle of the room, but didn't look back.

"Please tell Carlisle, when you return, that we may pay him a visit soon. It has been more than a century since we spoke last. It would be nice to catch up, and meet the rest of his ... family."

I turned, and a low rumble came from my chest. I wasn't going back to my family, but of course, he was thinking about Alice. I ignored him, and walked out of the room. I didn't ponder over Alice for too long, because I knew she would keep herself safe, and I thought that Aro was just toying with me. Trying to change my mind.

The entire thought passed through my mind in less than a second, and then it was gone. My focus returned to the thing I had to do next. I had to try and provoke them. Provoke them in a way that would substantiate my destruction.


	29. Chapter 29

As I walked through the remainder of the night in the city, I began to think of ways I could end this. I thought about attacking the guard. Obviously more of the guard would appear, and they would take me down. But would they?

I remembered through Felix that Aro had said if I started anything inside, I was to be taken straight to Chelsea. I was outside now, but the streets were deserted. It was early morning, so there were no witnesses around. Even if I did attack in the city, I would be taken inside. So that plan disintegrated at once.

What else then? I could start throwing things around, displaying my strength, but that too, required witnesses. I had no patience to wait until the city filled with humans when it got light. I needed something that could be done quickly.

I contemplated as I walked through the city. I could destroy some buildings. The noise alone would bring witnesses out onto the streets. But would they arrive before I was taken by the guard? I didn't think so. They would be swift. As soon as I started, they would be on me, taking me to Chelsea. So that was another no go.

I couldn't concentrate on finding a simple plan of exposure, and I'm sure there were hundreds of ways possible. But my mind was broken. Like there were a thousand pieces of broken glass, grinding inside my head. I was unable to think. Or was my mind just trying to protect itself from my thoughts?

Maybe, subconsciously, it didn't want me to find a plan. Maybe it was trying to tell me I shouldn't be doing this. I pushed that thought viciously away. This was always my plan. I would never have outlived Bella by long, wheither we were together or not, so my mind had no right to tell me otherwise.

I dragged my zombie-like body through the streets, returning my thoughts to what course of action I would take. Maybe a killing spree would do. No, that wouldn't work. I would classed as mad man, and there would be no exposure.

I looked toward the sky, and noted it was getting lighter. Dawn was slowly creeping in. My impatience at waiting for daylight arrived, ironically, had made the night go in quicker. Now I would have more options available to me, when the morning light shone through.

It wouldn't be long now, until the streets would be buzzing with festival revelers. I heard it was always very busy on St. Marcus day. So there would be plenty of witnesses for me, when I decided what I was going to do.

The next plan that came into my head was incredibly simple. I was perplexed as to why it had escaped me before. I would hunt. I would hunt within the city walls. I would hunt human blood. It was so simple, I had been oblivious.

It was forbidden, of course. That was their most absolute law. No hunting. It didn't just risk exposure, but it also meant that Volterra would end up deserted. No human would dare live near it, if it were a danger. Humans needed to feel safe and secure, and this law was the Volturi's way of ensuring that.

Yes, I would hunt in the city. They would annihilate me instantly. I smiled grimly at the prospect. I wouldn't have to wait long, either. The sun was just starting to glint on the horizon. I could sense the humans stirring in the city, getting ready for their day of festivities.

An hour, at most, would be all I would have to wait. I could manage that. I could use the time to try and summon Bella again. I wanted - no, I _needed_ - to see her at the end. It was the only image I wanted in my mind when I was struck down.

I found a quiet corner in the shadows and waited, trying to force Bella to appear to me. As I did, my mind floated to my family. I couldn't help the anguish I felt when I thought what my actions would cost them. I could imagine their faces when they heard the news. I hung my head at the shame I would bring them, but I couldn't do this anymore. Even if I could find a way to live without Bella, I would be entirely useless to my family. This way would be better for us all. They would eventually move on, not forgetting, but being comforted by one and other.

My head snapped up as I heard voices entering the street. Human voices. This was it, then. A few more seconds and it would be over. My mind still refused to let me see Bella, but I hoped my final second in this world would conjure her for me.

Instead, my mind slipped to Carlisle. My family would be devastated, and Carlisle would be greatly disappointed I had chosen this way out. I wavered in my decision. Could I really disappoint him in the worst possible way? They would be hurt regardless, but that hurt would be intensified three-fold, if I hunted humans. And then the little ounce of hope I had felt before, flickered again, as the voices drew closer.

I would do anything to be with Bella in whatever world awaited us after this. If I carried on with this plan, it would ensure I got no where close. The little flicker of hope burst into a flame. If I could leave this world, not as a murderous monster, but as peaceably as I can, then maybe, just maybe, I could get to be with her again.

I sharnk back into the shadows as two humans sauntered past. I actually breathed a small sigh of relief. Yes, I was right not to choose this course. So how could I go out peacefuuly, and ensure my exposure? And then, as the sun finally flashed above the horizon, an idea flashed in my mind. I knew what I had to do.

I smiled at my new idea. It would mean more waiting, but I didn't care now. It would mean good exposure for me, and the Volturi would have no choice but to destroy me. I peered around the corner to make sure no one was around, and sprinted back to the clock tower.

My new idea was even more simple than my hunting plan. It was the simplest form of exposure, and it would also mean my family wouldn't be _too_ disappointed in me. It was easy. I was going to walk into the sunlight. And today was the perfect day for it. The city would be packed to capacity, with more than enough witnesses, and my justice would be swift.

The city walls were extremely high, so I decided to wait until noon. That way the sun would be directly overhead, and the humans would be packed in the plaza, to watch my stone skin glisten unnaturally. It was so simple, it was perfect.

I closed my eyes, willing my love to appear to me. I imagined our reunion in the next life, but even my imagination wouldn't allow her through. My forhead creased in frustration, as I sat in a shady alley waiting for the time to pass. I groaned when I thought I may never see her again. I comforted myself with the thought of oblivion, if all else failed.

As the clock slowly ticked toward noon, I was growing more and more frustrated with my mind. I was starting to believe I had destroyed her so much, that she wasn't allowing any visions of herself to filter through to my subconscious. I didn't blame her. Why shouldn't I hurt as much as possible when I faced death? And what if I did get my wish at an afterlife, and she refused to be with me then? Could I blame her for that?

I couldn't, and now my wish _was_ for oblivion. Why would she want to be with me after everything I had done to her? I realised oblivion would be the best I could hope for now. There would be no choice between Heaven and Hell.

It was two minutes before midday, and I started to prepare myself. I stood in the mouth of the alley, and removed my shirt. That would be enough to let the congregating masses see my true form. I relaxed my arms by my sides, closed my eyes, and waited for the first chime of the clock.


	30. Chapter 30

I smiled slightly to myself in anticipation. Soon, there would be no more pain or grief, no remorse or guilt. I felt peacified by the thought. The clock tolled for the first time, and I took my last step from this world, and my first step toward nothingness.

"No! Edward, look at me!"

It was Bella's voice, as clear as the chime from the clock. I smiled with gratitude that I was allowed to have her meet me, on the path to whatever lay ahead. Heaven, it seemed, hadn't disregarded me, after all. I took another step as my vision of Bella raced into my arms. I grabbed her eagerly, not wanting to let my delusion go.

I opened my eyes slowly, and marvelled at the beautiful face before me. "Amazing. Carlisle was right," I mused.

"Edward, you've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"

What did she mean? I would never be in the shadows again. I didn't have to be. I was with Bella again, and we would be together forever, wherever we were going to next. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. The canyon in my heart was rapidly healing, and I felt amazingly whole.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing - they're very good," I murmured as I closed my eyes, and pressed my lips against Bella's silky hair. It was unbelievably exquisite to feel her in my arms again. I hadn't imagined how _real_ it would feel.

"Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty," I quoted Romeo. "You smell exactly the same as always. So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

And I would take it gratefully, as long as Bella and I could be together. I had been granted my last request, so I didn't care where we were.

"I'm not dead," Bella gasped. "And neither are you! Please, Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

I didn't understand. How could I not be dead when Bella was in my arms? And who did she mean when she said 'they'?

"What was that?" I asked.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi -"

Finally, knowing slipped through my delusions. I wasn't dead. That's why I never felt anything. And if I wasn't dead, and wasn't dreaming, then Bella was alive, too.

_How touching. A last farewell._

I yanked Bella from the alley and spun her around so she was behind me, as I heard Felix's thoughts in my head.

"Greetings, gentlemen," I said calmly, as Felix and Demetri emerged from the shadows. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix asked, with a double meaning in his tone.

This wasn't going to happen. Bella and I were both alive and finally together again. Nothing would seperate us again. My voice grew hard as I answered him.

"I don't believe that will be necessary. I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

Demetri took a small step forward, his voice smooth and calm. "Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun. Let us seek better cover."

I could hear in his voice that he included Bella in the plural. There was no way I was putting Bella in danger by letting her any where near the Volturi.

"I'll be right behind you." My tone had a raw edge to it. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"

"No, bring the girl," Felix said, and followed that with _She smells delicious,_ in his mind.

"I don't think so," I growled. There was no way I was losing Bella again. I would fight to the death if I had to, to keep her from their murderous clutches. I shifted my weight to prepare to spring, and to most humans, they wouldn't have noticed the change. Bella, on the other hand, was never an average human. She noticed everything.

"No," she mouthed at me, her eyes full of terror.

"Shh," I murmured to her, trying to ease her, but it didn't work.

"Felix. Not here," Demetri cautioned. He returned his gaze to me. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand, after all."

"Certainly," I hissed. "But the girl goes free." It wasn't a request. I was stating a fact, that Bella wasn't going anywhere with them.

"I'm afraid that's not possible." Demetri tried to sound regretful. "We do have rules to obey."

"Then _I'm_ afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

"That's just fine," Felix almost cooed. This was what he was waiting for. My defiance.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed, shaking his head slightly.

"I'm sure he'll survive the let down," I replied, as they moved toward us. I didn't move. I would protect Bella as best I could, even if it was futile. They spread out slightly, trying to flank me, and a familiar voice entered my mind.

_Edward, stop! Don't aggravate them._

It was Alice. My head whipped round to the sound of her thought, and Felix and Demetri followed my gaze. Under any other circumstances, I would have been exstatic to see her. Now, though, she was only doomed to the same fate as Bella and I.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we? There are ladies present," she almost sung.

_Where the hell -?_ Felix roared in his head. His face turned more stone-like than usual as Alice skipped to my side. He didn't like the odds now, and he straightened his stance. Demetri did the same.

"We're not alone," Alice reminded them, gazing over their shoulders, and out to the square. Our little gathering had collected some interest from a few of the humans. I'm sure my stace was partly the reason why one woman was speaking to her husband, without looking away from us. I didn't care. I wasn't moving from my position, until I knew Bella would be safe.

Demetri gazed back in my direction. "Please, Edward. Let's be reasonable."

"Let's," I agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

"At least let us discuss this more privately," he sighed.

"No," I said, gritting my teeth, a growl rumbling low in my chest.

"Enough," another voice from the shadows said.

Felix and Demetri relaxed, and stepped back toward the shadows, and I dropped my arms to my sides. I wouldn't have a chance at winning a fight now. Resigned, I greeted her as casually as my voice would allow.

"Jane."


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Hi guys. Thank you so much for the reviews. Updates may be a bit slower from now, as I am working on another story. I hope you will join me for that new adventure!**

**Viola1701e - Yes, he is. I always found him rather eccentric. Thanks for reviewing. X**

**Amanda Scott - Thank you so much! I'm glad you are enjoying it. X**

**Anon Tracker - Thank you. Yes, I know what you mean. I thought the same when writing it, but I had to make sure that my readers knew the he had never met them before, and that he was trying to guess what would happen to him, and with whom. I'm glad you like it though, and I appreciate your thoughts. Hopefully, I will do the end justice. X **

Chapter 31.

"Follow me," Jane ordered, turning on her heels, and heading back the way she came. We had no choice but to obey now, so I pulled Bella gently into my side.

Bella looked at me frantically, searching my eyes for answers. I didn't want to frighten her more, so I just shook my head. I needed to speak with Alice, but I didn't want the others listening. I tried to make my tone casual as I spoke.

"Well, Alice. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake. It was my job to set it right," she answered in the same tone.

"What happened?"

"It's a long story. In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

I glanced down at Bella, but she was looking straight ahead, blood rushing into her cheeks. We walked straight on, as I listened to the rest of the story in my mind.

_I told you it would do no good leaving! _Alice hissed. _She almost drowned, Edward! And Victoria's been around, too. But Bella's 'new' friends were helping with _that_ one. Werewolf friends, may I add! Young werewolves, Edward! Even though they are friends, you know how volatile they can be. Ugh! Honestly, Edward. Have you no sense at all? I told you she needed distractions, and look how that turned out! Oh, I could ring your scrawny neck! _she all but screamed at me through her mind. I couldn't blame her.

"Hm," I said, curtly. How could I have been so disillusioned to believe that Bella would have been safer without me around? And Victoria! I should have known she would turn up at Forks, when I lost her. And a bunch of new friends that belonged to the supernatural, too! Well, I suppose it was only natural for Bella. She never really did fit into 'normal'. I had a good mind to let Alice ring my neck.

As we approached the drain, Alice slipped down gracefully. I glanced at Bella, and her features were now etched with shock.

"It's alright, Bella. Alice will catch you," I whispered.

She hesitated before crouching slowly down, and putting her legs over the side.

"Alice?" she whispered into the hole.

"I'm right here, Bella," she called from below, loud enough for Bella to hear.

I took Bella's wrists and lowered her into the hole.

"Ready?" I asked, speaking to both of them.

"Drop her," Alice called back.

I didn't want to let Bella go, even for a second, but this was the only inconspicuous way in. I let her fall. I could hear her soft breath escaping her lungs as Alice caught her, and I stepped into the hole.

As soon as I was at the bottom, I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist, pulling her close. I knew her human eyes would see nothing in the blackness, and I held her as tightly as possible, so she wouldn't stumble. She wrapped both her arms around me, clinging tightly, and the exhilaration I felt at having her back in my arms, was marred by what we were about to face.

Bella's heart was frantic, as I towed her further into the gloom. I reached my hand across her face, trying to reassure her, when there was an impatient sigh from behind us.

_Human speed. Ridiculous! _Felix thought.

I pressed my face against her hair, and stroked her face gently. She seemed to tighten her hold around me then, but a shiver of insecurity ran through me. What if she was only clinging to me through fear? What if she didn't love me anymore, after everything that had happened? What if she was only here because of some stupid debt she thought she owed to me? Could I bear it? She was back in my arms, and it was wonderful, but what if she really didn't want to be there? Could I persuade her otherwise? Would she even want to remain my friend? Would I return to the shell I was, or would I find the strength to fight for her? I knew then, that I would fight for her. Even if it was just for her friendship, but I would also try to win back her love. I had to. I knew now that I had to be in her life, regardless. I wouldn't survive any other way.

The longer we walked through the dank sewers, the more pronounced Bella's shivering became. I realised her clothes were wet and she would be cold. Colder, still, with my icy body next to hers, so I let her go and took only her hand.

"N-n-no," she managed through her chattering teeth, and she threw her arms around me, holding me tight. I rubbed her arm, hoping the friction would give her a little warmth, or a little reassurance, at least. Another shiver of apprehension ran through me, as I thought again, that she only clung to me through fear, and not want.

We walked to the end of the tunnel, and through into the long, brighter room. She seemed to relax, slightly, in the light, but I tensed, aware of what was ahead. I wondered how our encounter would go with the elders. I wasn't sure, as Bella was human, and she knew about our world, and the Volturi wouldn't stand for that. I glanced quickly at Alice, but she seemed relaxed enough. Maybe the outcome would be favourable.

_Oh, come on, come on. We haven't got all day!_

I glowered down the long hallway, toward the thought. Jane was standing at the elevator doors, holding them open. She was impatient to get the show on the road. Inside the elevator, they removed their hoods and threw back their cloaks, relaxing. Bella cringed against me, while I rubbed her arm absentmindedly, keeping my eye on Jane. I didn't trust her.

We left the elevator and walked through the large reception room. Felix winked at the human receptionist, and she giggled like a school girl. Bella looked shocked to notice a human amongst them, but I barely noticed. My mind was concentrating on what was about to happen, and Alice wasn't saying anything in her mind. She was starting to tense up, slightly, but she still seemed relaxed enough to tell me that everything may turn out well.

Alec was awaiting our return, and walked toward his sister, reaching for her. "Jane."

"Alec," she responded as they embraced, and then he turned his attention to us.

"They send you out for one and you come back with two … and a half. Nice work," he said, as he eyed Bella.

Looking back toward me, he stated, "Welcome back, Edward. You seem in a better mood."

"Marginally." My tone was hard. Yes, I felt better with Bella back at my side, but at what cost now? Was my joy just a fleeting visitor? Was everything about to be ripped apart again, just as we had begun to repair our voids? But, my biggest fear of all was not death, but to be allowed to live, because I couldn't shake the feeling that Bella was only with me now, through duty. If we were allowed to leave, unharmed, would she still want me once the fear and shock of this day had passed?

Bella cowered into my side as Alec examined her. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?"

I smiled at him with contempt. I would suffer any amount of trouble and danger for Bella. I would never again doubt that we were meant to be. She was my everything, and, if she would let me, I would protect her for as long as she lived.

_Mmm. I would say she was worth it. I bet she tastes sublime._

I froze at the thoughts emanating from Felix.

"Dibs," he called casually.

I turned, growling furiously at him. He raised his hand and tried to goad me into reacting. If it hadn't been for Alice, I might have.

"Patience," she said, touching my arm. I glanced at her as I read her thoughts.

_Edward, please. You will have your chance, but it's not here, and it's not today. Aro wishes us no harm if we are peaceable. Felix is only trying to force a reaction. They are under strict instructions. They will not harm her._

Alice's words didn't ease me much, but I trusted her. I tried to contain myself as I turned back to Alec.

Alec looked at me as if nothing had passed. "Aro will be pleased to see you again."

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane said.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Hey all! I'm posting another quick chapter today, and then doing some work on my new story. Enjoy!**

**Viola1701e - Yes, he definitely is a silly boy, but we love him. He is still scared Bella will reject him, but we all know how relentless he is. He won't give up!**

Chapter 32.

The twins led the way into the small antechamber, and then through toward the turret of the tower. I never let Bella go the whole time. When we were led into the room, I noticed Aro was the only elder there. There were other vampires in the room, of course, and I immediately grew suspicious.

"Jane, dear one, you've returned!" he crowed, as he drifted toward her. Aro took Jane's face in his hands and kissed her on the lips.

"Yes, master. I brought him back alive, just as you wished." My brow furrowed, as my suspicions grew some more.

"Ah, Jane. You are such a comfort to me," Aro said, sweetly. Jane smiled at him like a child that has just been praised. He then turned his attention toward our little group. His smile grew into a large grin as he saw us.

"And Alice and Bella, too! This _is _a happy surprise! Wonderful!" He clapped his hands, rejoicing, as his mind wandered to Alice. He was ecstatic she was here, but he stopped his thoughts before they could get away from him.

"Felix," he said, turning to him. "Be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

"Yes, master," Felix replied, and then mentally, _I'm sure they wouldn't._

I clenched my free fist, and my jaw became taught. I was now sure they had no intention of letting us go. They wanted to bind Alice and I to them.

_Calm down, Edward, _Alice thought. _Everything will be fine, just stay calm, please._

"You see, Edward," Aro continued, almost singing, he was that full of joy. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"

"Yes, Aro. I am," I agreed, instinctively holding Bella tighter to me. He had no idea just _how_ glad I was.

"I love happy endings. They are so rare." Aro sighed, looking down, then his voice brightened, slightly. "But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice?" he asked, looking at her with an eagerness that made me flinch.

"Your brother seemed to think you infallible, apparently there was some mistake."

Alice smiled at him, easily. She looked perfectly at ease, but the tension rolled off her in waves.

"Oh, I'm far from infallible. As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them."

"You're too modest. I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit, I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!" Aro exclaimed.

_How? _Alice thought, her eyes flickering to me for a split second. _You told him? Oh. He wants us, doesn't he?_

Aro didn't miss the flicker.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brothers talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not."

He shook his head and sighed. He was quite envious of my gift.

"And also exponentially more powerful," I added dryly. I glanced at Alice, trying to explain. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what passes through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."

Alice raised her eyebrows. All _thoughts? Every one? Ever? _she thought.

I inclined my head slightly, and Aro didn't miss that, either. He sighed, noticing our exchange.

"But to be able to hear from a distance. That would be so _convenient_," he said wistfully, as he glanced over our shoulders.

We turned, also, and saw that Felix was back with the others.

"Marcus, Caius, look! Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

Aro's overjoyed excitement didn't reflect in the faces of the others. And quite frankly, I was getting sick of it. I wish they would just get on with it. Caius drifted past, not looking at us, or saying a word. Marcus paused at Aro's side, briefly touching his palm. I could hear his thoughts as loudly as if he had spoken them.

_Their relationship is extremely strong. Intense. Surprisingly so. There is nothing either wouldn't do for the other. I doubt even Chelsea could break their ties._

"Thank you, Marcus. That's quite interesting," Aro said, as Marcus glided past him to sit with Caius. _Very interesting. That could prove useful, _Aro finished in his mind. I clenched my teeth together, then snorted slightly at Aro's shocked expression. Alice threw me a curious glance.

"Amazing," he continued. "Absolutely amazing."

_Edward? What's going on?_ Alice thought.

I turned to her and explained. "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised at the intensity of ours."

"So convenient," Aro repeated, shaking his head slightly. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you."

Aro glided slightly closer to us, staring at my arm that was still around Bella.

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now. How can you stand so close to her like that?" he asked, confused now.

"It's not without effort," I replied.

"But still - _la tua cantante!_ What a waste!"

Humourlessly, a chuckle escaped my lips. Even though he had read my thoughts, and felt my feelings, he still couldn't comprehend my feelings for Bella.

"I look at it more as a price," I said, knowing it was a very small price to pay, no matter what pain the burn caused me, to have Bella by my side.

"A very high price," he commented, sceptically.

"Opportunity cost."

Aro laughed, his eyes flickering between Bella and I. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you …"

"Waste it," I sarcastically said, finishing his sentence.

Aro laughed again, as images of Carlisle flickered through his mind. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him - only he was not so angry."

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

"Hardly," I replied, my tone harsh. He was trying his best to guard his mind from me, but images and thoughts were leaking through. Hints of Bella's strange mind that she could keep me out of, and Alice's gift. I couldn't quite catch them, but what I did see, didn't bode well.

"I am gratified by his success," Aro continued. "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised at how it … _pleases _me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I would expect that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong."

I didn't reply. His spoken words and his thoughts weren't running parallel.

"But _your_ restraint! I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself again and again - if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed."

I gazed at him, knowing he was past the preliminaries now, and his thoughts were still with Bella and Alice. I knew he wanted Alice, but Bella? I couldn't grasp his full thoughts, just snickets of things. What did he want?

"Just remembering how she appeals to you," Aro chuckled, "it makes me thirsty."

My body went rigid. Is that what he wanted? Bella's blood? No way. He would die, right here, right now, if he attempted to get that close to her.

"Don't be disturbed," he said, trying to reassure me, as he read my tension. "I mean her no harm. But I am so curious, about one thing in particular. May I?" he asked eagerly, raising his hand.

"Ask _her,_" I said harshly, my body still tense.

"Of course, how rude of me. Bella, I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent - so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try - to see if you are an exception for me, as well?" He looked her straight in the eyes, almost kindly, but I could see the burning desire in his eyes.

Bella shot me a look, and her eyes were terrified. I knew there would be no choice in the matter - Aro _would_ get what he wanted - but I rummaged through his brain, just incase. There didn't _seem_ to be anything malicious in his thoughts, but he was guarding them well. I nodded to Bella.

She faced Aro, and raised a trembling hand toward him. He grinned, his eyes eager, and drifted forward to press his hand against hers. He was grinning with anticipation, but as I watched his mind, his features altered.


	33. Chapter 33

_Strange, _Aro thought, staring into Bella's eyes. His thoughts then turned incredulous. _How can this be? What kind of gift has this creature been bestowed with? And in human form! I can't even guess at her thoughts. Hmm …_

"So very interesting," he said, releasing Bella's hand. I kept my expression composed, but inside I was deeply relieved that Aro couldn't get into her strange mind. He stepped back and looked at all three of us, shaking his head.

"A first," he mumbled. "I wonder if she's immune to our other talents … Jane, dear?"

"No!" I snarled, taking a step forward, but Alice grabbed my arm in restraint. I shook her off. _Edward, _Alice started thinking, but I blocked her. There was no way I would allow Jane to use her gift on Bella. She could cripple a vampire with her gift, and I had no idea what she could do to a human. It would probably kill her, and I didn't know if Bella's mind would work against Jane, so I wasn't prepared to let Bella be used as a guinea pig in Aro's sick games.

"Yes, master?" Jane asked sweetly.

My snarls were ripping from my chest now. I was glaring at Aro, my teeth bared, as I tried to send him a warning from my eyes. I could hear Felix's mental excitement as he thought about ripping my head off, if I moved an inch closer to Aro. Aro shot him a warning look, and his thoughts ceased instantly.

"I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to _you?_" he said, looking back toward Jane.

Now I was more than furious. I let go of Bella to position myself in front of her. Caius now seemed to be interested in what was happening now, and he glided forward to watch. I only seen him in my peripheral vision, as I was concentrating on Jane.

She turned to look at us with a sadistic smile, her thoughts eager. I couldn't take it any longer. I pounced toward Jane, just as Alice screeched, "Don't!"

And then I was on the floor. The excruciating pain I felt, was ten times worse than my burning when I was changing. I was sure I must have been a fire ball rolling writhing on the floor. But I let no sound escape my lips, knowing it would only make Jane more ecstatic. Only one thing was more painful than what I was being subjected to now. The thought that Bella was dead was the worst pain, even above this. I had been right not to let Bella suffer this. It _would_ have killed her. And I would endure it time and time again, to save her from it.

"Stop!" I could hardly hear Bella's desperate cries. I could just see Alice restrain her, as she tried to get to me. I was glad Alice was there, to keep Bella from harm.

"Jane," Aro said peacefully. As soon as Jane's eyes left me, the pain ceased, and I was still

Aro inclined his head toward Bella, who was still struggling to escape Alice's grasp.

"He's fine," Alice whispered, trying to reassure her. I got up at once, staring into Bella's eyes, waiting for the screams to erupt from her. They didn't come, and I looked at Jane to see if she had begun. It seems she had, for the sadistic smile had spread across her face again. I looked back to Bella, and she was still panicking over me, and what I had just been through. I relaxed.

I went to Bella's side, and Alice surrendered her to me. I looked back at Jane, who was no longer smiling, but had a murderous glare in her eyes. I understood now. Jane's gift wasn't physical. It was a purely mental gift, and Bella's mind was protected from it. Jane couldn't touch her.

"Ha, ha, ha. This is wonderful!" Aro cried, clapping his hands together. Jane was hissing with frustration. She crouched slightly, ready to pounce.

"Don't be put out, dear one," Aro said, restraining her by putting a hand on her shoulder. "She confounds us all."

Aro chuckled again. "You are very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once - just out of curiosity."

I glared at him in disgust.

"So what do we do with you now?" Aro sighed. Both Alice and I stiffened. Alice had said everything would be fine if we were peaceable, but had I blown any chance of escape afterI had almost pounced on Jane?

"I don't suppose there's any chance you've changed your mind? Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company," Aro said with a hint of hope in his voice.

I hesitated. I didn't want to be too quick in answering him. I wanted him to think I was contemplating it. It may help if he thought I was even slightly interested.

"I'd … rather … not."

"Alice?" he said, undeterred, as he faced her.

"No thank you," she said calmly and composed, though the tension was still rolling off her.

He looked toward Bella, and raised his eyebrows. "And you, Bella?"

I hissed. What was he thinking? He surely didn't want her to join them _human_? I was about to open my mouth when Caius opened his.

"What?" he demanded.

"Caius, surely you can see the potential? I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

My hiss was building to a rumble in my chest, as Aro's wall finally fell from his mind, and I could hear his thoughts. He had noted, through my memories, that Bella had wanted to become one of us, and he now was trying to use that to his advantage. He hoped she would say yes, and in turn, Alice and I would follow suit. He has never wanted anything more than he wanted Alice, and would do anything to have her by his side. If that didn't work, well, I realised we weren't in this room for nothing.

"No, thank you," Bella whispered urgently.

"That's unfortunate. Such a waste."

"Join or die, is that it?" I hissed through my teeth. I was furious. They would do anything to get what they wanted, and if they couldn't, there would be destruction through one ploy or another. "I suspected as much when we were brought to _this_ room. So much for your laws," I snarled.

This room was used for their 'banquets'. It was the only room in the city that was used for such. This was also the room they used to carry out their judgement on vampires, that had broken the rules. Torture chamber and food hall, rolled into one.

"Of course not. We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you," he said calmly.

"Aro," Caius snarled. "The law claims them."

"How so?" I asked, glaring at Caius, knowing full well what he meant, but I wanted him to say the words.

"She know too much. You have exposed our secrets," he hissed, pointing at Bella, who was trembling again.

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," I retorted.

"Yes," he agreed with a sinister smile. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

Bella, still trembling, whispered, "I wouldn't -" but Caius silenced her with an icy glare.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us. Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _her_ life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."

They still had no understanding of my relationship with Bella, or Caius would know, that would never happen. I bared my teeth at him and growled.

"That's what I thought," he said, amused.

_At last_, Felix thought eagerly, leaning forward into a crouch.

"Unless …" Aro interrupted. His mind was searching for a more plausible resolution to the conversation, as he wasn't happy with the way it was heading.

"Unless you intend to give her immortality," he finished.

He knew I didn't want to take Bella's life, so he was using this to his advantage, also. I was hesitant.

"And if I do?" I asked, warily.

Aro smiled. He didn't care whether I did or not. Either way, he would win. If I didn't he would take Bella's life now, because of their laws, and mine with hers as I wouldn't stand back and watch. If I did change her, he would find a way to force us to join them.

"Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle." Then, "But you would have to mean it." He made it sound like an afterthought, but it wasn't. He had it all planned out. He raised a hand in front of him.

_Ha,_ Caius thought as he relaxed. _We have him._

I stared into Bella's eyes, and she stared back.

"Mean it. Please," she begged.

I would do anything for her. But take her life? She never understood my reasoning behind wanting to keep her human. Couldn't I even do it to save her life? Oh, I could tell Aro I would, but he wanted proof. Could I really mean it? A part of me wanted it to happen, so that she would be with me forever. But, if she didn't want me back, could I subject her to this life to live alone? As I was still warring with myself over the most difficult decision I would ever have to make, Alice flitted past us, with her own hand raised.


End file.
